funcentral

The Funny Papers--Special Weekend Edition

2005-11-12T07:51:00.000-05:00

With thanks to Bartcop:

In related news, Charles Manson is 71 years young today!

In Canadian politics, yet another round of He-Said/He-Said.

George keeps speaking without understanding what he's saying.

Jack Surges Ahead...of where he was...

Germany paves the way for Coalition governments everywhere!

Where was "Girls Gone WIld" for this one?

Or this?

Call this a draw.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

My (Not-So) Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.
And while this may not seem big, it can be.
It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.
You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.Now the big question: Am I more Machiavellian or Rovian in my approach...?

What's Your Hidden Talent?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll be back Monday, with more Bloggy goodness.

The Return of "Grumpy-God" Guy

2005-11-11T08:14:00.000-05:00

Pat Robertson needs his meds upped.

--excerpt--

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city," Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The 700 Club."
"And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of
your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not
be there," he said.

With all of the Old Testament-type rhetoric, how does he think he can pass himself off as Christian.

Jesus didn't make an appearance until the sequel.

So much for "forgive those who trespass against you"... Pat makes God sound like a petulent four year-old.

Harpo Has Trust Issues

2005-11-09T06:18:00.000-05:00

Harper doesn't trust Layton to help bring down government

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper says he won't introduce a non-confidence motion to topple the government because he has no faith in NDP Leader Jack Layton's support for the move.

Conservative leader Stephen Harper speaks during a luncheon in Toronto, Nov. 8, 2005. (CP photo)(not exactly as shown)
"Our experience suggests if we should again attempt to bring down the government, Mr. Layton would no doubt see our attempt as potential leverage in his negotiations with the Liberals as he has done on other occasions," Harper said Tuesday.

That sort of ties things up, doesn't it Steve-O, because Canada doesn't trust you to form our government, either.

Your move, bucky!

Darwin Booted Out Of Kansas...again!!!

2005-11-09T06:12:00.000-05:00

Sigh!

Just when I think that the religious right will get tired of revisiting the Scopes trial...

Kansas education board downplays evolution
State school board OKs standards casting doubt on Darwin

MSNBC News Services
Updated: 8:03 p.m. ET Nov. 8, 2005

TOPEKA, Kan. - Risking the kind of nationwide ridicule it faced six years ago, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public-school science standards Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution.
The 6-4 vote was a victory for “intelligent design” advocates who helped draft the standards. Intelligent design holds that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power.
Critics of the new language charged that it was an attempt to inject God and creationism into public schools in violation of the separation of church and state.

All the while, true evidence is smirking them in the face!

Why should anyone believe, then, the drivel coming out of Baby Scalia about Roe V. Wade?

What does that mean anyways? He "respects" the decision. So, he'll salute it before pissing all over it?

I foresee L-Girl receiving a whole bunch of requests for info in the coming years...

The F@$%-in' Funny Papers

2005-11-08T17:13:00.000-05:00

If you don't have your war on yet, what exactly are you waiting for?

2005-11-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

Weren't you always wondering...?

2005-11-08T17:07:00.000-05:00

Another friendly Funcentral quiz:

Your Pimp Name Is...

Dr. Glider

What's Your Pimp Name?

There are some readers out there (Mom, I'm thinking of you) whose Pimp Name I do not need to know. Sharing is not always caring. Sometimes, sharing is harmful.

The rest of you--share away!

The Blame Game

2005-11-08T05:57:00.000-05:00

Now, don't get me wrong--I've never been adept at negotiating the rocky terrain known as brother-sister relationships...but even I would never dream of assigning blame to anyone else for the craptasticial PR summer enjoyed by Tom "No anti-depressants for me!" Cruise.

I guess that maybe the offers have stopped flooding in now, even while filming for MI3 s going on. Cuz Sister is g-o-n-e!

Here's hoping that the fake Tom Cruise blog will update shortly, with more "inside" info. My fave entry so far is "Save Katie? From What?"

Enjoy!

Bad Scooter Searchin' For His Groove!

2005-11-08T05:37:00.000-05:00

With a close encounter of a prison-soap kind now imminent, perhaps Lewis Libby will require all of the possible royalties from his scorching 1996 novel, "The Apprentice", that he can get his hands on.

To that end, I provide a link to a brief excerpt of the page-turner, and ask: Do you think George or Dick had read the book before giving Libby the Staffer job in the first place?

Amazon provides more snippets here, and a bizarre auction link for copies with an asking price of $599 US!
Bonus points to the first reader to correctly guess where the title comes from.

And...go!

I hate white male Floridian legislators!

2005-11-08T01:02:00.000-05:00

Ugh!
--excerpt--

Florida girl has abortion blocked
A pregnant 13-year-old girl in Florida has been told she cannot have an abortion because she lacks the maturity to make such a decision.
A state court granted an injunction which prevents the girl from terminating her pregnancy.
She is three months pregnant and had planned to have an abortion on Tuesday of this week.

Here's where I stand on the Right to Choose, just in case anyone is curious: If it isn't my baby, it isn't my business!

However, I don't stop there, because I understand that a more definite policy is required, laws or no laws. The mother, failing mental or physical incapicity of such severity as to be unable to make a sound and legal decision one way or another, should be the final word on the matter of terminating or continuing any pregnancy.

The father could, but shouldn't have to be, consulted. If I were in that sitch, I'd hope to be--but who knows, right?

In general, Right-To-Life-ers characterize this choice as some rock-paper-scissors type decision, entered into as lightly as choosing lipstick or nail polish colours. This debasing makes it easier to hold their opponents in constant contempt. Screw them! The choice is never an easy one, at any age, at any time--ever!

Forcing a 13 year old girl to give birth for fear of angering their Cloud Deity??? That is obscene.

She didn't lack the maturity to have sex.

She didn't lack the maturity to make the decision to abort.

She was careless. Shit happens. That's what being young is all about. Becoming a mother before puberty ends seems like undue punishment.

Law and Government have no business here in this case.

--end o' rant--

Let's Pretend...

2005-11-07T17:59:00.000-05:00

...that I'm Paul Martin, and I've just been informed that Jack Layton has resoundingly refused to further prop up my minority government.

Now...

...does "No" mean "No"?

Or does it mean "Try harder"?

With the surplus that I have, I could buy approximately 6,000 MRI machines, and still have some leftover for homeless shelters and better water for aboriginal reserves.

Do we really want to throw the damn country to Harpo and his band of idiots and yes-men?

If we pull the plug on the Minority gov't, that's fine with me--they won't be very effective legislatively now anyways. They've passed Bill C-38, which is enough of a legacy for most governments.

But now, what? Its doubtful that they would garner anything but another minority. As much as I've dreamt of the day, the NDP don't stand a chance of gaining that many seats. The notion of a Con-Bloq coalition is enough to scare me; a Conservative majority is enough to put me back on sedatives!

Honestly though, it is probably time for change, as much as I hate to say it. The longer that Martin holds onto power, the greater the eventual electoral backlash will be. We don't necessarily vote for change as much as get totally exasperated by the people holding the purse strings. We saw it in 1984, and again in 1993. We're overdue.

If the masses truly don't see the differences betwen Martin and Harper, then they deserve what they get.

Watch for me, spearheading the charge for an independent Ontario.

Fight the powers that be!

The Great Debate

2005-11-07T05:30:00.000-05:00

Anyone else watch the live "West Wing" episode last night? It featured a fictional debate of the issues facing the US today. I couldn't help thinking that this is what should have happened last fall, if Kerry really wanted to win.

More importantly, it was how the Dems will stand a chance of winning in 2008. When Jimmy Smits' character lashed out at Hawkeye for labelling (libelling???) him a Liberal -- oooh, my heart stopped.

In Canada today, Jack Layton will supposedly conclude whether or not to remain supportive of the government, thereby stalling an election. When the CAW is telling the NDP leader what to do, it's pretty damn difficult to say no. Heads sez keep your party faithful, Tails sez break out of the labour ties of old, and forge a political future of unofficial party status. Your move, sir!

Don't Walk--Run!!!

2005-11-07T05:23:00.000-05:00

...This is must-see stuff here!

They take on Bill Frist ("I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore"), Libby, Scalito, Rummy--and more!

So much idiocy, in one compact little list!

Where were we...?

2005-11-06T17:13:00.000-05:00

"It's been a long time since I rock and rolled, It's been a long time since I did the Stroll. Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,Let me get it back, baby, where I come from. It's been a long time, been a long time, Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

Yes it has. " ~~Rock and Roll

(Bonham/Jones/Page/Plant)

Anything new with you?I never meant to take a six-and-a-half week vacation from the blog-o-sphere, but I guess I just ran out of steam, or at least clever things to say. Liam may question that last statement, arguing that it actually occurred sometime back in 1996...but I digress.

There was certainly no shortage of current events to comment on, what with the Hurricanes, Bush fucking everything up, Harriet Miers, Gomery, DeLay getting arrested, Bush fucking everything up, Tom Cruise having an earth baby, oil companies posting huge profits, Harriet withdrawing, Bird Flu/Pandemic mania!!!, more Gomery, Libby being indicted, Bush fucking everything up...

Was it just me, or did it look like Bush was going to nominate Dr. Pepper for Surgeon General next? (Sorry, I've been test-driving that line for weeks now. I should have blogged it sooner!)

Anyway, I'm back now, and I promise to start visiting your sites again too. I've been very bad. I don't know how to make it up to everyone. (The three or four of you, anyways...)So, I'll just start off by being me again...

How's this for a defence?
A gentle reminder that blogs are a public domain.
Is there only 25 of them? Anyone out there have others for the list?
With only a month and a half left for Christmas shopping, be sure to put your bid in on this E-bay item!
Local freebie paper banned at grocery chain over sex columnist; people continue having sex...This is what all of the fuss is about!

...and finally, if the War on Drugs ever requires new poster children, I nominate these two.

I promise not to be a stranger again, without prior notice.

I'm off to make tacos now, for me and my Sweet Baby. I'll see you back here again soon.

2005-10-20T19:45:00.000-04:00

Big Re-Launch Coming Soon! (Sunday-ish?)

Thanks for being so patient.

I haven't fallen off of the face of the Earth.

With Georgie B. as my role model, I just decided to take a few weeks off, while the rest of the world went to Hell in a hand-cart.

In the meantime, here's a Dora shot to tide her fans over...

Hump-Day Distractions

2005-09-28T15:22:00.000-04:00

Wednesday already? Wow, time flies when you're a puppy-parent!

I've been doing this Blog thing for five months now, and while I've tried to keep it light and airy and fun (note: the title!), I am a bit politically oriented.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Stories have come and gone, but the last few months have been almost non-stop with the "Story-of-the-week-destined-to-topple-the Bush-Administration", yet he's still there, smirkin' and jerkin'. The DSM couldn't do it. Rover-gate wasn't up to snuff. The extended vacation failed. Cindy Sheehan came close, what with Iraq's "Bloody August" lending a hand. Katrina blew up, then petered out, with no thanks to Georgie's smart-mouthed mom.

What we have left is:

The US is so much in debt right now that no future president will have an alternative to raising taxes.
The Senate Democrats are rolling over and playing dead in the Roberts confirmation.
No clear Dem candidate for president has popped up yet, Joe Biden not-withstanding.
Texas gets spared by Rita, Bush looks prepared.

In Canada, the ride has been equally rocky for the Liberals, with "Alias"-like cliffhangers each week, and evil-doers plotting the downfall of the government. Yet, the status quo has been the rule. Gay marriage passed, and the world didn't end. Harpo barbecued with the selected masses, and is more unpopular now than ever before. Martin looks poised to dodge a huge bullet from the Gomery investigation, and has managed to become more popular without really doing very much.

Britney had her baby, and "Dashton" got hitched--or did they?!? The Tom & Katie show--soooo over! The ruse may still be going on, but the only folks still caring seem to be the publicists.

As summer 2005 comes to a close, and I prepare to take my dog for a walk, I send out a salute to the non-stories of the year, for psyching us out to the point of indifference. Are we fickle, or just tired of being played?

And now, the rest of the blog...

Serenity in 3 days!

Did anyone miss these the first time around? Who did you vote for? Talk about decisions!

...from Daveberta and Sean Incognito...

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Tonight on TV, comes the epic choice (and why I'm happy to have PVR {Canadian TiVo}): Lost or Veronica Mars?!? Talk about you einy-meeny-miney-moe moments. All that technology, and I still managed to miss Laura Bush's reality show debut. Damn!

This is the type of law that gets enacted when every news outlet is focused on the tragedy du jour--is the ACLU asleep or something?

First, 'Billgrimages', now 'Clinton Condoms'! What a guy!

Ahh--Oktoberfest! Beer and Porn will never go out of style.

All's forgiven with Michaelle?

With this, there's now no good reason to not make home-porn. Paris, Fred, Pammy--it's only $20! What's your excuse?

Why is this still fun?

Any thought to casting "Dr. Broom" as the next Spider-Man villain?

Police malpractice?

Why, God? Why?!?

Finally, I share this because I truly care. I really do. And this. And this. And this, again.

Now, go out and take on the day!

The Numbers Game

2005-09-28T14:58:00.000-04:00

Justice no longer DeLay-ed! Also, Dingwall bails!

2005-09-28T14:57:00.000-04:00

The Hammer gets nailed! Court docs here.

Dingwall defends expenses by quitting Mint.

The Numbers Game, part two

2005-09-28T14:44:00.000-04:00

Since May 2005, when I posted the "Cost of the War" scroll in my sidebar, it has addded almost $20 billion. 350+ more American soldiers have died.

Oh, and Bush scheduled a five-week vacation, that only Mother Nature could cut short.

This needs to end, now!

I can't believe the news today

Oh, I can't close my eyes

And make it go away

How long...How long must we sing this song?

How long? How long...

'cause tonight...

we can be as oneTonight...

Broken bottles under children's feet

Bodies strewn across the dead end street

But I won't heed the battle call

It puts my back up

Puts my back up against the wall
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

And the battle's just begun

There's many lost, but tell me who has won?

The trench is dug within our hearts

And mothers, children, brothers, sisters

Torn apart

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

How long...How long must we sing this song?

How long? How long...

'cause tonight...we can be as oneTonight...tonight...
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Wipe the tears from your eyes

Wipe your tears away

Oh, wipe your tears away

Oh, wipe your tears away(Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

Oh, wipe your blood shot eyes(Sunday, Bloody Sunday)
Sunday, Bloody Sunday (Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

Sunday, Bloody Sunday (Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

And it's true we are immune

When fact is fiction and TV reality

And today the millions cry

We eat and drink while tomorrow they die
(Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

The real battle just begun

To claim the victory Jesus wonOn...
Sunday Bloody Sunday

Sunday Bloody Sunday...

--"Sunday Bloody Sunday", lyrics by U2

Further proof that they hate us for our freedoms...or whatever!

2005-09-27T20:05:00.000-04:00

Just what every little Muslim girl (and closeted Muslim boy) needs!

all I want for Christmas...

2005-09-27T19:58:00.000-04:00

Wow!!!

--excerpt--

In celebration of the 30th anniversary of Bruce Springsteen's breakthrough 1975 album "Born To Run," Columbia Records is preparing a box set that will include two DVDs along with a newly remastered version of the album.

Santa, I swear that I've been a good boy for most of the year!

CDW: "Agent 86" 86'd

2005-09-26T18:17:00.000-04:00

I didn't know until today that Don Adams was a three-time Emmy winner for playing Maxwell Smart.

Funny thing--when you learn about someone after they die.

Sorry about that, chief!

Note the uncanny resemblance to a younger, smarter, Dubya. Scary, eh kids?

A Neat Game

2005-09-25T14:31:00.000-04:00

from Crabletta, and beyond...comes this neat game:

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Here's mine:

Best advice, music fans--support local talent, catch a rising star--and if you still have a Stones-jones, pick up a copy of Exile On Main Street. (It was my attempt at mitigating the disappointment of not being able to spend $400 to see the Stones in Ottawa)

It's kinda hard to fathom that this was almost 400 posts and four and a half months ago.

Today In Rotten History

2005-09-25T14:12:00.000-04:00

September 25 1980

On the NBC talk show Tomorrow, SNL alumnus Chevy Chase calls actor Cary Grant a "homo." Grant sues, but rumors of his homosexuality follow him for years. The one thing known for certain: Grant is the first person to use the word "gay" in its modern context on film: In Bringing Up Baby, while in a pink fluffy silk rope he exclaimed "I've just gone gay all of a sudden!" Look at the portrait -- judge for yourself.

September 25 1980
After spending the whole day drinking, Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham dies from alcohol poisoning. His corpse is discovered having choked on its own vomit.

September 25 1991Doogie Howser loses his virginity on ABC television.

September 25 1997
In exchange for dropping the forcible sodomy charge against him, former NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pleads guilty to misdemeanor assault and battery. Albert's rape trial brought to light embarrassing allegations that he wears women's underwear, and asked women to procure men for group sex. The sheep issue was never raised. His defense accepted the plea bargain after the judge ruled he would admit information that Albert was involved in a sex fight resulting in the loss of his magnificent toupee.

Get Your War On!

2005-09-25T14:01:00.000-04:00

The New TV Season

2005-09-25T13:50:00.000-04:00

I have to admit that my absence from daily blogging has not been entirely Dora-related. In fact, I am what most people refer to as a couch potato. I've been lapping up the new TV season lately, and it's only going to get better!

Lately, I've been enjoying Rome, from HBO (via TMN in Canada), although TWOP's reviews certainly make the show more enjoyable! Not to mention, understandable. Prison Break's been okay too, though not exactly a replacement for 24.

This last week saw the return of two of my absolute favourite shows, Lost and Arrested Development, along with 2 of the 3 CSI's and 2 of the 3 Law & Orders . This coming week will bring Desperate Housewives, Veronica Mars and Alias. What with CPAC on hiatus until at least October, and the Weather Channel being usurped by CNN, what else is there to do but grab a cold one and the channel-changer, and settle in for the evening?

Well, there is the anticipation of Serenity debuting on the silver screen next week, and the eventual return of BSG to Canadian airwaves. Entourage should be back next June.

No TV boo-hoo-ers allowed here! I've said before that I have little (read: none!) patience for those who trot out the old "I have no time for television anymore" routine, and the condescending tone which they inevitably use to say it.

To Meet Or Not To Meet, That IS The Question

2005-09-25T13:10:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, I left a comment on L-Girl's blog which, in essence, said that I knew almost exactly where she and Redsock have set up camp. She replied that I should feel free to stalk her anytime that I was in the neighbourhood--which is about four times a year, usually for family birthdays, Christmas and Sister's Canada Day BBQ.

Which begs the necessary question--should Blog Buddies ever meet face to face? Or does it, in fact, shatter the illusions we've built up, lo these past month/years?

So fess up, folks--have you met any of your blog buddies? If yes, who? If not, who would you like to meet?

I would like to meet L-Girl and Redsock, if only because they seem like two people that me and Sweet Baby could actually have a decent conversation with.

CDW: Butch the Bully

2005-09-25T11:53:00.000-04:00

Alfalfa's "one eye-browed-baby" bites the big one...

Bush Family Crime Tree

2005-09-20T17:22:00.000-04:00

Now updated, to include Next-Gen Drunk & Disorderlies!

Thanks to Bartcop!

Sweet Sweet Music...

2005-09-17T07:32:00.000-04:00

...to my ears...another "Screw You!" to the corporate parasite known as Wal-Mart!

--excerpt--

The Quebec Labour Board has ruled that the closing of a Wal-Mart store this year amounted to a reprisal against unionized workers and has ordered the company to compensate former employees.
The labour board concluded that Wal-Mart Canada, Inc., failed to prove that the closing of its store in Jonquiere in April was "real, genuine and definitive" as required under the Quebec Labour Code.

Their (Wal-Mart) trying to demonstrate an unprofitable store is like trying to prove the existence of an unprofitable Tim Horton's!

Sheesh!

In other news, I really hope that The Abomination doesn't read Rotten.Com . Their DailyRotten section has a "Today in Rotten History" entry which could give him an idea...so to speak.

Sep 17 1859

San Francisco resident Joshua A. Norton proclaims himself Emperor of these United States, a title he retains until his death in 1880. The successor to Emperor Norton I has yet to be anointed.

Like I said, here's hoping...

Is it time for another "Family Guy" clip already? I have an idea--how about two today--and don't bug me again for a while? What do you say?

Enjoy, kiddies!

Just In Case This Douch Bag Wants To Run For President Someday...

2005-09-16T19:54:00.000-04:00

...please print out copies of this entry from The Smoking Gun.

Seems like little Jeb-Jeb Junior is cut from the same cloth philosophically as his Abomination of an uncle.

Gotta love the respect he shows for law and order...

According to the below arrest warrant, filed with the Travis County
Municipal Court, an intoxicated Bush, "continually pushed against this officer
and struggled as I attempted to handcuff him."

Seems like maybe he could be helping out the hurricane survivors, instead of tying one on, no? That is if it mattered to them what other people thought of them. Or if they had souls...

Odds and Ends

2005-09-15T19:55:00.000-04:00

Can anyone name a bigger cry-baby in Canadian politics than Brian Mulroney?
~~~~~

In anticipation of Bush's rebuilding plan announcement later tonight, we could just save some time and loss of network air time and just hand the keys to the treasury over to Halliburton. They own everything else anyways.

Any takers on how far into The Abomination's speech it takes him before he mentions either "9/11", the Iraq "War"/supporting troops/staying the course, or explaining how yesterdays speech wasn't really about him taking responsibility for thousands of people dying?

Anyone?

Currently drinking:

In other news:

It just seems like yesterday that Renee Zellweger got hitched, and now...Splitsville. Poor crazy kids--they never stood a chance.
God is unconstitutional...or something like that.
Britney found time to update her website mere hours after popping out little K-Fed Jr.--or whatever they're calling him!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T--find out what it means to me...I mean, her...YIKES!
Someone's not been reading L-Girl's blog...and now he'll never get the chance to again. Big loser.
Who doesn't miss those beloved high school antics?
Chocolate frosting and crime do not mix--how many times do I have to tell you?

These results come as no shock to me...:

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Aside from Bush-a-polooza 2005 and the premiere of "Survivor", there isn't that much else on the old tube tonight. It;s probably a good thing--I have an exam to study for, and a cute puppy to walk.

Speaking of...

She's growing so quickly. I can't believe that we only bought her 3 weeks ago.

Praying For Jenny

2005-09-13T19:18:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to present myself as a close friend of Jennifer Teague, but I am praying for her safe and speedy return.

I don't recall ever having met her, even though her brother and my step-kid are best friends.

I know the stretch of road down which she would have walked, the night she disappeared. I've never considered Jockvale to be a dangerous road before. But then, it only has to be dangerous once, now...right?

I'm scared.

I want to believe that this will have a happy ending, and that she was just visiting friends who somehow missed the dozens of police and volunteers and posters and helicopters roaming a usually-quiet Ottawa suburb, for the past week.

Like I said...I want to believe that. I'm scared though, that my intuitions are correct--that it's far too late for a happy ending. That this story has been played out, so tragically, many times before. Two years later, Ottawa Police still don't know who killed Ardeth Wood, another blonde girl who thought that she was safe.

Anyway, I am praying for you Jenny--even though my praying skills are rusty. I'm also praying for your mom and K--that they can stay strong through this and whatever comes next. When you come home, you owe them, bigtime!

I'll lend a hand by asking that anyone with information on Jennifer's disappearance please call the Ottawa Police major crimes unit at 613-236-1222 x5477 or to call CrimeStoppers at 613-233-8477.

Thanks for listening!

andy

Gentle Reminders

2005-09-13T18:01:00.000-04:00

responsibility?

2005-09-13T13:31:00.000-04:00

Bush: 'I take responsibility' for hurricane failures
--excerpt--

"...Katrina exposed serious problems in our response capability at all
levels of government, and to the extent that the federal government didn't
fully do it's job right, I take responsibility," Bush said. "

That being said, we will now accept your resignation.
...or do we not share the same definition of "responsibility"?
This is me not holding my breath.

If by "Greatest", you mean "Drunkest", then sure...

2005-09-13T06:02:00.000-04:00

Brian Mulroney has likened himself to Sir John A., and
thinks that he did a bang-up job leading the country.

But now, with Peter Newman's book coming out, he's getting cranky again that no one gives a fig about him.

That makes Brian angry. And hurt. Sulky people don't make great PMs, Bri-Bri.

If we don't watch out, he'll sue the entire country into liking him...

Does anyone have a tissue? Or a rattle, for baby...?

Harpo Talks Tough On Crime

2005-09-12T05:51:00.000-04:00

--excerpt--

Conservative leader Stephen Harper said on Friday that his party would get tough
on crimes like marijuana grow-ops, street racing and auto theft , issues he said the Liberal government has ignored. "They point to selective statistics of crime going down."

Statistics like...murder? Rape? Robbery? God! I do hate those lawless Liberal traitors! They just lie and lie and lie, until you don't even understand the truth anymore...

Since when is street racing a top agenda item for the legal system, anyway?

"...working very well for them..."

2005-09-12T05:25:00.000-04:00

After a week's hiatus, DU's Top Ten is back, and FEMA-liscious!

It's got the "Go fuck yourself" video link...
...Tom Delays' ongoing mess of a career, another career high-point for Rush, and the continuing blame game...

If I've said it before, then I'll say it again...Impeach Bush.

Upgraded from what...?

2005-09-11T19:52:00.000-04:00

Ahh...good times, indeed!

Worth a thousand words, and then some...

2005-09-11T19:40:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Crabletta, via G!

One of the worst disasters?

Well, there was 9/11.

And the Ice Age.

Tom Green, and his movies.

Certainly on the top ten list, though...

The Return of YJO...er...RMO--whatever!!!

2005-09-11T18:36:00.000-04:00

an invitation of sorts...

Ryan took the summer off, and now is back and more bloggy than ever. Check his site out--I highly recommend it.

More CPC Staffer Follies

2005-09-06T19:14:00.000-04:00

Pay no attention to the sounds of doors slamming.

The resume writing has begun, but it's probably just a seasonal thing, as staffers go back to school...or more realistically, come to their senses.

First, comes the requisite down-playing of reality:

While early reports put the number as high as 15, deputy party leader Peter MacKay said it was much smaller and cautioned against reading anything sinister into the changes.
"My understanding is that it was five or six," Mr. MacKay said on the eve of a national caucus meeting in the Nova Scotia capital."

Then, comes the refusal to speak on the record:
"I never discuss staffing in my office, never," Mr. Harper said as he arrived in Halifax.

Jean Chretien, off chortling to himself in retired bliss-land, was unavailable for comment.

CDW: Gilligan

2005-09-06T19:08:00.000-04:00

Rest in peace, little buddy--and thanks for all of the laughs and coconut cream pies.

It took an embarrassingly long time for me to comprehend that it wasn't Bob Denver who sang "Annie's Song" and "Thank God, I'm A Country Boy!".

But I can share that here, because I'm amongst friends...and complete strangers.

Another Meme

2005-09-06T18:38:00.000-04:00

The Rules

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollenation effect.
1. Writing from the Hip
2. Blue Stocking
3. Simply Coll
4. Canadian Expatriates
5. Funcentral

Next: Select four new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate and anyone can play if they want to).
1. G
2. Jeff
3. Robert
4. Rob

The Meme:
What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was packing up my crappy possessions, and preparing to move out of one of Ottawa's notorious rat-trap apartment buildings, to share a house with some friends in one of the city's trendiest neighbourhoods. I was still a fast food preparation artist, looking to get back into university. I was clueless as to what I wanted to be when I grew up. The house was a nice change, but many bad memories spoiled the experience. As it turned out, I had 2 more years of the fast food lifestyle, before making the big leap into the public service. I still have no university degree...

What were you doing 5 years ago?

Living in suburbia, enjoying the first year of wedded bliss with Sweet Baby. Still working for the government, waiting for that elusive "permanent" job, working from contract-to-contract in a low-level clerical position. Still didn't know what I wanted to be, except for "happier". I even had the weight-gain to prove it. I discovered that the internet could be used for more than just games and porn, and even dabbled in some chat rooms.

What were you doing one year ago?

Still living in suburbia (just a different part of it); still happily married, and loving every minute of it; still working for the gov't, but now a permanent employee, and a manager to boot! I was in the midst of a weight-management program that had me down below my weight 10 years ago, and exercising daily for the first time in my life! I wasn't worrying about stuff anymore. Still not sure what I want to be when(if?) I grow up, but enjoying the ride much more...
What were you doing yesterday?

Walked Dora--several times. Did the dishes, and some laundry, and pre-ironed some shirts for the week. Watched "Napoleon Dynamite", and the latest episode of "Rome". Had a nap. BBQ-ed some groovy hamburgers (thank you, fast food employee experiences!) I even snuck in some blogging!

Five snacks you enjoy:

Heavenly Hash ice cream
Key Lime or Lemon Meringue Pie
Tim Horton's Chocolate Coconut donut
Snickers bar
popcorn, with lots of butter

Five songs I know all the words to:

"Paradise By The Dashboard Light", by Meatloaf
"Thunder Road", by Bruce Springsteen
"Creep", by Radiohead
"Smells Like Teen Spirit", by Nirvana
"Chain of Fools", by Aretha Franklin

Five things you would do if you had a million dollars:

*Open a Tim Hortons (for profit)
*Open an Italian restaurant (for pleasure)
*buy my Sweet Baby a pony
*throw the wickedest BBQ fiesta evvvv-ahhh!
*buy the biggest commercial television screen available

Five things you like doing:

Walking with SB
Cooking
Blogging
vacationing in PEI
karaoke

Five bad habits

leaving my socks on the floor
not putting away clean clothes
forgetting to say "please"
blogging in my skivvies (sorry, neighbours!)
saying "we" when I mean "I"

Five things I would never wear again

"Bush/Cheney 2000" T-shirt
Polo, by Ralph Lauren
any spandex product
boxers
tighty whities

Five favorite toys
Computer
MP3 player
Dora
Digital Camera
PVR/TiVo

Dora Update

2005-09-05T19:24:00.000-04:00

Our Little Lamby-Bear went to the vet for the first time, and received a clean bill of health. She's also gained almost two pounds in a week. When she's not eating...

...she's sleeping. As this photo was loading, she slid off of the couch and landed face-first onto the carpet. That is the picture that I wanted to get. Dora eats hard, sleeps hard, and then plays hard. So far, her retrieving instincts are quite strong. We've begun the slow and arduous task of crate-training...that hasn't been a popular move, so far.

As for her ability to pose cute for pictures, it's off of the scales...

Thank you sweetie, for brightening our lives so much and so quickly. If you've never experienced the sensation of having your toes licked by an aggressive puppy while trying to pour coffee into a mug, I highly recommend it.

Have a great week, folks.

As Rome burned...

2005-09-05T19:14:00.000-04:00

To the naive amongst us calling for a cessation of the partisan attacks during the Katrina Kleen-Up, I respectfully say, "Wake Up!"

Americans, your country is under siege by the most aggressive power-mongers in a century. Do not stand idly by for one moment longer.

Halliburton, that most non-partisan of partisan corporations, has just been awarded the clean-up contract. Is there anything that this fantastic corporation can't do? Apparently providing cheaper oil is beyond them.

Conveniently timed within 24 hours of the commencement of the confirmation hearings for John Roberts, clever Bush has announced that Roberts will, in fact, replace Rehnquist as Chief Justice. At age 50, this man could conceivably be on the bench for another 30 years. So much for the end of the Bush reign of terror in 2008. What started out as a sweetly retro-Rockwell introduction to the media, Roberts' ascension to the Supreme Court is starting to smell like a coup d'etat.

I would advise all Americans to contact their Senators and ensure a thorough vetting of this man, before he turns back constitutional law 200 years or more.

Hugo Chavez Better Watch His Ass!

2005-09-04T10:09:00.000-04:00

Wow...another opening on the Supreme Court?!? Way to go, Pat Robertson! Now, could you pray for world peace, an end to hunger, and Season Three of the Dave Chappelle Show, while you're on a roll?

Thanks!

I know that I'm late with this, but...

2005-08-31T18:14:00.000-04:00

Hopefully, you caught DU's special "Who Would Jesus Whack?" edition, without my guidance.

It's the last one for two weeks, so savour it.

Big Question

2005-08-31T18:09:00.000-04:00

Could someone please explain why the Hurricane Katrina deaths in New Orleans and the surrounding area warrant 24-hour a day coverage, and is being compared to the tsunami in South East Asia, while 700+ people being trampled to death in Iraq is the second-or-later story in all of the news coverage?

Gee--the Gulf Coast never gets hit by hurricanes, right? They had almost a week to get the hell out of Dodge, but some idiots stayed behind.

Boo-hoo.

Every time that Americans die, it's a bloody soap opera. Especially when they're too dumb to figure out the weather.

This agression will DEFINITELY not stand!

2005-08-31T17:56:00.000-04:00

Thanks to G for this one!

According to the "Which Big Lebowski character
are you?" quiz:

Why don't you check it out? Or
we cut off your Johnson!

Puppy Photos, Finally!

2005-08-30T20:29:00.000-04:00

It wasn't supposed to take so long...

...first, I had to find the right USB connector...

...then I needed a nap, which got extended...

...and, of course, difficult editing choices had to be made...

...once we get some peace...

She's a cutie, ain't she?

I'll try to be back tomorrow with something substantial, or at least funny. Bye for now, kids!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Dora!

2005-08-28T20:29:00.000-04:00

We bought a Golden Retriever puppy yesterday.

Her name is Dora.

This isn't her.

Our USB port isn't reading our camera, so the 3,000-odd photos we've taken of her are still waiting to be uploaded. This picture is a stock photo from Yahoo!, and is the one closest in proximity to her cuteness, and fluffiness.

We're in love with her. She just turned 8-weeks old today. She's been asleep for about 85% of the day so far, and we're thinking that it's going to be a very long night tonight.

I'm watching her right now, as I type--and she just had the looooooooooooooongest stretch. She likes resting her head on somethng when sleeping; alternatively, she likes facing her nose into the corner of whatever it is she's sleeping on (couch, blanket, me).

We still miss T'Pau, and Dora's not a replacement. No dog could ever fill that role. However, it feels so great to have a dog again, and to laugh (and hear Sweet Baby laugh) with glee. Pau-ie was one of a kind, and an impossible standard for comparison. I only hope that we can love Dora (and future pups) as much. I think that we can. We're off to a great start.

That being said, it may take something catastrophic (Bush impeached, NDP majority, TomKat breaking up, Radiohead tour) to get me to blog again for a while. Probably for a few days, or maybe a week or two. Or until I get to Futureshop for a new USB cable. Then, maybe just a few shots of Dora the Wonderdog.

Fred Supports The Troops

2005-08-28T06:26:00.000-04:00

...and yet, people have questioned my moral compass?

Anti-gay church protests at soldiers' funerals

By BETH RUCKER
Sunday, August 28, 2005 Updated at 12:21 AM EDT
Associated Press

Smyrna, Tenn. — Members of a church say God is punishing American soldiers for defending a country that harbors gays, and they brought their anti-gay message to the funerals Saturday of two Tennessee soldiers killed in Iraq.
The church members were met with scorn from local residents. They chased the church members cars' down a highway, waving flags and screaming “God bless America.”
“My husband is over there, so I'm here to show my support,” 41-year-old Connie Ditmore said as she waved and American flag and as tears came to her eyes. “To do this at a funeral is disrespectful of a family, no matter what your beliefs are.”
The Rev. Fred Phelps, founder of Westboro Baptist in Kansas, contends that American soldiers are being killed in Iraq as vengeance from God for protecting a country that harbors gays. The church, which is not affiliated with a larger denomination, is made up mostly of Phelps' children, grandchildren and in-laws.
The church members carried signs and shouted things such as “God hates fags”
and “God hates you.”
About 10 church members protested near Smyrna United Methodist Church and nearly 20 stood outside the National Guard Armoury in Ashland City. Members have demonstrated at other soldier funerals across the nation.
The funerals were for Staff Sgt. Asbury Fred Hawn II, 35, in Smyrna and Spc. Gary Reese Jr., 22, in Ashland City. Both were members of the Tennessee National Guard.
Hundreds of Smyrna and Ashland City residents and families of other soldiers turned out at both sites to counter the message the Westboro Baptist members brought.
So many counter demonstrators were gathered in Ashland City that police, sheriff's deputies and state troopers were brought in to control traffic and protect the protesters.
The church members held protesting permits, and counter protesters in Smyrna turned their backs to Westboro Baptist members until time expired on the protest permits.
“If they were protesting the government, I might even join them,” Danny Cotton, 56, said amid cries of “get out of our town” and “get out of our country.” “But for them to come during the worst time for this family — it's just wrong.”

Blog Quiz Time, again!

2005-08-27T13:55:00.000-04:00

"You definitely have your name in history, although probably not for the reason you believe. Yet you are very accepting, non-judgemental, and optimistic almost to a fault. You also have a thing for angora sweaters. How could anyone not like you? "

You Are Ed Wood From "Ed FWood."

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

I suppose that it could have been worse--I could have been that freak, Willy Wonka. Pink angora rules!

Funcentral BBQ Recipes

2005-08-27T11:46:00.000-04:00

I've been quiet lately, but I've been busy too! Sweet Baby and I had work friends over for a BBQ yesterday. The key, I've learned, to entertaining 10+ people is planning planning planning. The prep for last night actually began last Saturday with the menu selection, and I for one think that it paid off.

For those interested in the recipes, they are as follows: (credited where applicable)

Tandoori Chicken Kabobs, from Everyday Food, July August 2004 issue

Ingredients

4 garlic cloves; 35-40 g fresh ginger, chopped; 1 cup plain yogurt; juice of 2-3 limes; 2 jalepeno peppers chopped; 8 - 10 boneless skinless chicken thighs

Process

In a blender, purée lime juice, garlic, ginger and peppers. Add yogurt, and blend until smooth. Put the mixture aside. Cut the chicken thighs lengthwise, and thread them onto skewers. Pour marinade over the chicken, turning them over to get the other side. Cover and refrigerate for at least two hours, up to a maximum of 24 hours.

When grilling, the Martha Machine advises that you grease your grills with olive oil.

Place the skewers on the grill, at high heat, for 8-to-10 minutes, until grill marks are visible and chicken is no longer pink in the centre.

Rum-Glazed Shrimp and Mango, from Everyday Food July August 2005 issue

Ingredients

1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice (3 limes); 1/4 cup dark rum (but I used light, with excellent results, so don't sweat it--no offence, Martha!); 3 tablespoons dark-brown sugar; 1 tablespoon finely grated peeled fresh ginger (I used bottled puréed ginger; again, with excellent results); 11/4 teaspoons cornstarch; 32-40 shrimpmediumum) with tail on; ripe mango peeled and sliced lengthwise, about 1 inch thick

Process

To make the glaze, combine lime juice, rum, brown sugar and ginger in a small pot, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 3 minutes--stir occasionally. While this is heating, prepare cornstarch in 1 tablespoon of water, and mix thoroughly until blended. Pour the cornstarch into the pot with the glaze mixture, and cook for 30 seconds, stirring often. Allow to cool, or refrigerate for later use.

After threading the shrimp (about 4 per skewer) andseparatelyly, the mango slices (2-3 per skewer), glaze each skewer with the mixture using a brush. Cook on medium-high heat for 3-4 minutes, and serve. I'll skip the fru-fru Martha watercress side dish, okay?

Jerk Pork

Ingredients

2-3 pork tenderloins; Grace's Jerk Sauce; 2-3 tble spoons olive oil

Process

Slice tenderloin into medallion-sized pieces. Pour 5-6 ounces of jerk sauce into a sealable bag or container, followed by the sliced pork. Shake it up, until the por is thoroughly covered in sauce. Fry the pork with olive oil for approx. 8-10 minutes. Refrigerate. To serve, pour pork into a crock pot and heat for 2 hour on low, adding water and additional jerk sauce as desired. Warning--this sauce is very hot, ussparinglyly. There are plenty of recipes for jerk sauce, but this one is easy, and very good.

My Caesar Salad Recipe (not the one from last night--but the classic one)

Ingredients

egg whites of 3-4 eggs; 4-5 tablespoons olive oil; 2-5 clove garlic, minced (as always, the more the merrier); 3-4 drops of Worcestershire Sauce; 1-2 teaspoon Dijon mustard (the type with visible seeds); salt; pepper; grated Parmesan cheese

Process

Blend the egg whites until thick, but don't make meringue. Add the olive oil and blend for 30 seconds. Add garlic, sauce and mustard. Blend for another 30 seconds. Add salt, pepper and cheese, and blend for another 20 seconds.

The dressing can be used right away, however I've found that it tastes much better after being refrigerated overnight, up to 3 days.

Orange Dream Cheesecake

Ingredients

1/4 cup Graham Cracker Crumbs; 2/3 cup boiling water; 1 pkg. (10.2 g) Jell-O Light Orange Jelly Powder; 1 cup 1% cottage cheese; 1 tub (250 g) Light Cream Cheese Spread
2 cups thawed Cool Whip Light Whipped Topping

Process

Sprinkle crumbs onto bottom of 8- or 9-inch springform pan or 9-inch pie plate sprayed with no stick cooking spray, r mix in 30-40 mg melted butter. Stir boiling water into jelly powder in large bowl at least 2 minutes until completely dissolved. Cool 5 minutes. Pour into blender container. Add cheeses; cover. Blend on medium speed until well blended, occasionally scraping down side of blender container; pour into large bowl. Add whipped topping; stir gently until well blended. Pour into prepared pan; smooth top with spatula. Refrigerate 4 hours or until set. Remove side of pan just before serving. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator. Garnish with fresh mint sprigs or peeled orange slices if desired.

Happy eating, everyone!

Sympathy From The Devil

2005-08-27T10:33:00.000-04:00

This is horrible...:

“I’m not meeting with that goddamned bitch,” Bush screamed at aides who suggested he meet with Cindy Sheehan, the war-protesting mother whose son died in Iraq. “She can go to hell as far as I’m concerned!”

5000

2005-08-25T06:36:00.000-04:00

At some point today(God willing), or tomorrow, I will hit 5,000 visitors since this crazy trip began back in May. Thanks for all of your comments. Thanks for making me feel part of the happy blogosphere.

That's all for now...

Convergence

2005-08-25T06:19:00.000-04:00

It was probably only a matter of time before two of my rant topics converged into one media story...and now they have...

The craziness confuses me.

It must be time for another quiz...

You Should Be a Flying Monkey for Halloween!

What should you be for Halloween?

The Un-Funny Papers

2005-08-24T07:01:00.000-04:00

I pinched this from Bartcop.

www.idrewthis.org

No Proof Found; Iran Braces For Invasion

2005-08-24T06:06:00.000-04:00

No Proof Found of Iran Arms Program
By Dafna Linzer / Washington Post

--excerpt--

Scientists from the United States, France, Japan, Britain and Russia met in secret during the past nine months to pore over data collected by inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency, according to U.S. and foreign officials. Recently, the group, whose existence had not been previously reported, definitively matched samples of the highly enriched uranium -- a key ingredient for a nuclear weapon -- with centrifuge equipment turned over by the government of Pakistan.
Iran has long contended that the uranium traces were the result of contaminated equipment bought years ago from Pakistan. But the Bush administration had pointed to the material as evidence that Iran was making bomb-grade ingredients.

Sounds to me like reason enough to invade, bomb the country back a thousand years in time, thereby destroying their infrastructure and culture, and imposing martial law and a puppet administration, while simultaneously pilfering their oil deposits for profit.

But I'm just a cynic. Pay no attention to me.

We better watch out, before they confuse Tim Horton's donuts with Yellowcake. We could be next with these idiots.

Happy Hump-Day, everyone!

Slanguage Test and Other Bits

2005-08-24T00:01:00.000-04:00

First, the requisite blogger quiz...

Your Slanguage Profile

Canadian Slang: 75%

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

New England Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 0%

Victorian Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Is there anything going on out there? Let's see...

Hmm...?

This place sounds like a real party school, doesn't it?
Boobies and Football (in that order) make Ottawa a less-than-boring place
Why in the world does anyone live in Florida anymore?
If lip-synching is criminal, than my karaoke must be punishable by death! SB, consider our vacation plans to Turkmenistan called off, okay?
A 46 year-old non-mystery, finally put to rest
Not from Martha's Kitchen, but still a very good thing!

Does this come as a surprise to anyone?

Finally, as the media begins to turn its attention away from Cindy Sheehan and the courageous folks at Camp Casey, the New York Times rediscovers journalistic integrity, and prints a meaningful op-ed, here:

The Swift Boating of Cindy Sheehan
By FRANK RICH

--excerpt--

True to form, the attack on Cindy Sheehan surfaced early on Fox News, where she was immediately labeled a "crackpot" by Fred Barnes. The right-wing blogosphere quickly spread tales of her divorce, her angry Republican in-laws, her supposed political flip-flops, her incendiary sloganeering and her association with known ticket-stub-carrying attendees of "Fahrenheit 9/11." Rush Limbaugh went so far as to declare that Ms. Sheehan's "story is nothing more than forged documents - there's nothing about it that's real."
But this time the Swift Boating failed, utterly, and that failure is yet another revealing historical marker in this summer's collapse of political support for the Iraq
war.
When the Bush mob attacks critics like Ms. Sheehan, its highest priority is to change the subject. If we talk about Richard Clarke's character, then we stop talking about the administration's pre-9/11 inattentiveness to terrorism. If Thomas Wilson is trashed as an insubordinate plant of the "liberal media," we forget the Pentagon's abysmal failure to give our troops adequate armor (a failure that persists today, eight months after he spoke up). If we focus on Joseph Wilson's wife, we lose the big picture of how the administration twisted intelligence to gin up the threat of Saddam's nonexistent W.M.D.'s.

Cindy has also spoken out in her own defence, here:

Hypocrites and Liars
by Cindy Sheehan

-excerpt-

One thing I haven't noticed or become aware of though is an increased number of pro-war, pro-Bush people on the other side of the fence enlisting to go and fight George Bush's war for imperialism and insatiable greed. The pro-peace side has gotten off their apathetic butts to be warriors for peace and justice. Where are the pro-war people? Everyday at Camp Casey we have a couple of anti-peace people on the other side of the road holding up signs that remind me that "Freedom isn't Free," but I don't see them putting their money where their mouths are. I don't think they are willing to pay even a small down payment for freedom by sacrificing their own blood or the flesh of their children. I still challenge them to go to Iraq and let another soldier come home. Perhaps a soldier that is on his/her third tour of duty, or one that has been stop-lossed after serving his/her country nobly and selflessly, only to be held hostage in Iraq by power mad hypocrites who have a long history of avoiding putting their own skin in the game.

The proof, the say, is in the pudding. Bush is cutting his nap times and bike rides short, to "sell" the war, despite sagging approval ratings. Hey George--it worked so well for Social Security reform, right?

You go, girl!

Exit Music (For A Ridiculous War)

2005-08-23T22:44:00.000-04:00

Wake.. from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today we escape, we escape

Pack.. and get dressed
Before your father hears us
Before all hell breaks loose
Breathe, keep breathing
Don't lose your nerve

Breathe, keep breathing
I can't do this alone
Sing.. us a song
A song to keep us warm
There's such a chill, such a chill
You can laugh
A spineless laugh

We hope your rules and wisdom choke you
Now we are one in everlasting peace
We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke
We hope that you choke, that you choke

with apologies and thanks to Radiohead...

American Jihad

2005-08-23T07:11:00.000-04:00

Imagine the outrage, and the inevitable call to arms, if a Muslim cleric called for "taking out" George Bush.

This is a man who has already prayed to God for the death of --not just one!!!--but at least two Supreme Court Justices.

He could have been (in a Bizarro world) President.

Someone should take Old Yeller back to the shed. Just kidding, because that would be wrong. Killing is against one of those Commandment thingies, right?

Tell me Pat, who would Jesus order to be assassinated, anyway, you contemptuous power-thirsty, hate-mongering non-Christian!

It's probably just a coinky-dink that Venezuela sits on a whole bunch of oil, right?

This is not going to end well at all!

2005-08-22T20:11:00.000-04:00

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door
With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

I am not a partisan zombie!

2005-08-22T20:04:00.000-04:00

...and to prove it, I'm breaking with party ranks, and demanding a meaningful and substantial tax cut, now! This has gone on long enough...
Surprise! Ottawa underestimates surplus
--excerpt--

Newly released figures show that in the first three months of fiscal 2005-06, Ottawa recorded a surplus of $4.8-billion, including a $1.7-billion surplus in June alone.

The wave of the future seems to be private health care, so give the people back enough money to friggin' afford it. Tuitions only ever seem to go up--put money back in the hands of those who pay them. National day-care is valuable--to those who'd use it. I won't be, so I'd rather not pay for it, thanks all the same. I'm not asking anyone else to pay for my new big screen TV, so fair is fair.

I don't know what a fair and equitable balanced budget would look like, following tax cuts, but then I'm neither an economist nor an accountant. However they want to do it is fine with me. I just don't think that Canadians are reaping the benefits of their labour. I would suggest (selfish prick that I am) making mortgage payments deductible, thereby helping out the biggest demographic. Clearly though, a change is required in how we do business.

I have been fully supportive of my government up until now, even though they are not my preferred party. However, as a public servant, I was recently asked to accept a wage increase significantly below the cost of living as a result of fiscal conservatism on the part of the government. Now, they announce record surpluses. Combine that with the fact that I am now being told to contribute more towards my pension (the existence of which is doubtful 25 years from now, when I'll be drawing from it), and I'm feeling a bit like a whore on Sunday morning.

Which isn't to say that I am opposed to feeling like a whore on Saturday night, but I was going for the imagery there.

As always, I welcome your thoughts and opinions. Except for Jeff's and Anal-log. They can stay home.

"It was a pleasure to burn..."

2005-08-22T05:54:00.000-04:00

I'm not usually one to pay attention to lists, but this one from the American Library Association caught my eye:

The 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990–2000

So, how many books on there have you read? I counted 17 for me. I was stunned at the inclusion of "Brave New World" and the "What's Happening To My Body" series. Madonna's "Sex" book, though was a no-brainer--although I'd be curious to find out how the libraries kept the binding together.

A question to G, if he comes by: Does Canada have a similar list? If so, is it published? I'd be interested in doing a comparison.

Support The Troops?

2005-08-22T00:22:00.000-04:00

--excerpt--

"Last week Larry Northern (pictured at right) was charged with criminal mischief after he drove to Camp Casey in the middle of the night, attached a pipe and chains to the back of his pickup truck, and drove through the Arlington West memorial, mowing down crosses in his wake. How about that for supporting the troops? "

The Week that Was...presented in full cringe-inducing colour.

The quote from above is from their number one pick, but the number 5 is a perennial fave, too:

5. George W. Bush
Since Our Great Leader is apparently too cowardly to come out of his hidey-hole, this week we're going to take a look at George W. Bush by the numbers (numbers are accurate at time of writing).

1863
Number of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq since the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

57
Number of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq since Bush went on vacation earlier this month.

35
Approximate price of a barrel of oil (in U.S. dollars) in 2000 when Bush said, "What I think the president ought to do is he ought to get on the phone with the OPEC cartel and say we expect you to open your spigots. ... if in fact there is collusion amongst big oil, he ought to intercede there as well. I used to be in the oil business. ... And so I understand what can happen in the marketplace."

63.59
Price of a barrel of oil (in U.S. dollars) last Thursday.

1.52
Average price for a gallon of gasoline in September 2000.

2.55
Average price for a gallon of gasoline in the U.S. last week.

49
Bush's overall approval rating on August 2 (Rasmussen)

43
Bush's overall approval rating on August 18 (Rasmussen)

338
Number of days Bush has spent on vacation during his presidency, a new record. The previous record was held by Ronald Reagan, who spent 335 days on vacation during his eight-year presidency. Bush has topped that in just four-and-a-half years.
With stats like this, Bush will be lucky if he's still on the team by the end of the season.

~~~~~~~
I'll have another post up later today. Promise! Unless we end up painting our powder room, and then all bets are off.

I love you all.

I had it pegged at 60%, at least!

2005-08-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

I Am 10% Weird

I am totally, completely normal.
And that's pretty darn weird!

How Weird Are You?

Say It Ain't So!

2005-08-21T17:15:00.000-04:00

WILL KATIE BE TOM'S RUN AWAY BRIDE?

--excerpt--
"Cracks have appeared in their veneer of perfect happiness and Katie might be having second thoughts. "I think Katie is getting cold feet," a friend of Holmes tells Star. "She must be wishing she and Tom could slow down their race to the altar while they get to know each other better." Sounds like a cheque didn't clear, doesn't it?

In the immortal words of Bruce Springsteen, "Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse?"

I'm trying not to chalk this whole thing up to a mere media contrivance to promote their movies, but it's soooooooo difficult!

Pity the next poor ingenue who succumbs to the certain...je ne sais pas!!!...appeal of Couch Boy.

Good Riddence To Bad Rubbish

2005-08-21T16:08:00.000-04:00

Being excellent at what you do is not the same as being a good soldier.

This guy sounds like an embarassment to the military. I'm glad that my taxes aren't paying his salary anymore.

Tarred with ugly brush

Top Canadian sniper quits in frustration

By JEREMY LOOME, EDMONTON SUN

--excerpt--

Perry, 33, and a 13-year veteran, was accused of discreditable conduct
after he allegedly cut the finger off an al-Qaida corpse, defecated on another
and then had his picture taken with a corpse that had a lit cigarette hanging
from his lips and a sign around his neck reading "F**k Terrorism."

"I retired because I didn't feel that I was being treated properly and I
felt abandoned by the military," he said. "I don't trust anyone. "

The feeling is mutual, pal!

Law & Order

2005-08-20T11:36:00.000-04:00

Every so often, a news story comes along that provokes me to question where I stand on issues of the justice system. Recently, I found myself actually in support of Karla Homolka's unfettered and unrestricted release from prison, following her service of a 12-year sentence. Talk about being on the fringe of popular opinion... Sheesh!

Now, with the sentencing this week of BTK killer Dennis Rader, I find myself in slight admiration (stop the presses!!!) of the U.S. legal system. I like the idea of this guy being given such a long sentence. Sure, he'll be long dead before the 175 years are served, but what better way to ensure that he'll never get out? Plus, it's consistent. If there is a prison term associated with each murder, it means that no single killing is being ignored. It means that, unlike with Clifford Olson and Paul Bernardo, courts (and the people which they serve) will never have to deal with a violent re-offender.

Canada's single-term apporach to multiple murder convictions is absolutely unfair in this regard. Olson and Bernardo should never again be free men, given what they have done. Yet, there is a very slim chance that they will be.

The time to take action to lock up these legal loopholes in the Criminal Code is now, and not in response to the next multiple slaying tragedy. It will be too late by then!

Damned dirty ape!

2005-08-20T11:05:00.000-04:00

No--this is not a self-portrait, wisenheimers!

However, this is a contest that I actually stand a chance at winning!

...well, maybe not.

Although I'd definately be a contender in a snoring contest.

Weekly Round-Up--In Photos!

2005-08-20T00:01:00.000-04:00

Tubby takes a header; wonders if Babs' pneumatic enhancements were worth all of the filthy lucre.

Mom-of-the-Century Courtney Love has another bummer week.

Bad Kitty!

"Hey Jude

...don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new Burger King spokes-thingy, takes on Slipknot for scary-skeezy award.

~~~~~~~~

"Does anyone have page 10?"

This special Dicks, Assholes and Pussies edition is brought to you in tribute to the film Team America: World Police

"There's nobody I can rerate to
Feer rike a bird in a cage
It's kinda sihry
But not rearry
Because it's fihring my body with rage
I work rearry hard to stay nice and fit
But none of the women seem to give a shit
When I rure the world maybe they'rr notice me But untir then I'rr just be ronery
Rittre ronery, poor rittre me
I'm so ronery
I'm so ronery"

Who's Your Diddy?

2005-08-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

We've seen this all before folks...

"We had to move the P. We had to simplify it. Diddy is more personal. We are entering into the age of Diddy. It's a new era," Rapper Sean Combs said about changing his name from P. Diddy to just Diddy.

...remember this one? :

"No more Puff Daddy — the first week in June we're gonna have a name change ceremony," Combs said. "I'm not doing it as serious as Prince [but] I just want something fresh ... I'm rockin' with P. Diddy now — my man Biggie gave me that name."

The rest of us--no offence to Biggie--just call you Ass.

The G-G Kafuffle Continues...

2005-08-18T22:25:00.000-04:00

Poor little Steven Harper.

He just can't seem to catch a break, no matter what the Liberals do.

Despite the unanimous support of the official newspaper chain of the Conservative Party of Canada , the Michaelle Jean-as-turncoat-sovereigntist story just hasn't grabbed the attention of the masses. Certainly, the cries for the head of Paul Martin have yet to materialize.

"We have never belonged to a political party or the separatist movement," she told us.

End of story?

Err...not as such.
The tireless wanks of the CPC/Sun Media coalition want real answers. Until they think of all of the questions, though, no answer will ever be enough.

See, because Jean apparently toasted to Quebec seperatism once, a decade and a bit ago, she should be dragged through the media-mud. What the cro-mag/neo-con society doesn't seem to understand is, that every so often people show support to causes that they don't 100% agree with, simply because it seems like a good idea at the time. For instance, have you ever toasted a brand new bride and groom, knowing that the marriage was an utter failure? They may be wrong for you, but everyone seems happy, and the couple are feeding you, right? When in Rome, and all...

My overly-enthusiastic embarrassment of an MP, wunderkid Pierre "Don't call me Petey!" Poilievre (pictured at right, exactly as illustrated) has taken it upon himself to start a bit of an e-mail campaign. Now, for those still unfamiliar with Petey, he is one of those classic "show up at the opening of a telephone book" types, who will do anything or say anything to get his name or photo in print. Now, he's asking his fans down at the Legion to send an e-mail to Queen Liz. I'm sure that she'll be appreciative of the correspondence... you dunderhead!

The Perpetually-Grumpy People Party of Canada continues to flounder behind the Liberals in polls, and has yet to find an issue which will resonate in the minds of voters. So now, they grasp at every quote issued from the PMO, and express "concerns" over the "troubling" message. Every new initiative is an outrage! "The government is corrupt!", they chant... ad nauseum.

Yawn. TIme to re-brand...again.

2005-08-18T00:35:00.000-04:00

With thanks (once again) to Robert at A Little Left of Centrist

In 1968 (the year I was born)

Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US

North Koreans seize USS Pueblo and 83 man crew in the Sea of Japan

Communist troops attack Saigon and 30 province capitals in the "Tet Offensive"

Martin Luther King is assassinated in Memphis, TN

Senator Robert F. Kennedy is shot in California after celebrating presidential primary victories

American troops destroy a town in South Vietnam in the "My Lai Massacre"

Peggy Fleming wins Olympics figure skating gold medal

The United States Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency

Student protesters at Columbia University in New York City take over administration buildings and shut down the university

LL Cool J, Lisa Marie Presley, Jeri Ryan, Lucy Lawless, Celine Dion, Traci Lords, Tony Hawk, Kylie Minogue, and Sammy Sosa are born

Detroit Tigers win the World Series

Green Bay Packers win Superbowl II

Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

2001: A Space Odyssey and Planet of the Apes are the top grossing movies

The rock musical Hair opens on Broadway

The Beatles' White Album and Simon and Garfunkel's Bookends are released

Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, debuts on NBC

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Wow--me and Tony Hawk were born in the same year?!? How frickin'...uninteresting...

37 years later, and there's another senseless war going on, with another out-of-the-loop Texan President making all of the wrong choices, race is still driving a wedge between people, and North Korea is doing whatever the hell they want to.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

In other news, the long, protracted crucifixion of Bill Clinton continues today, with the release of information that in 2000, the FBI withheld information regarding one of the alledged 9/11 conspirators. Those who never liked Bill will hold him directly responsible for all of the people who died on that horrible day that never seems to go away.

Clinton wasn't a perfect president--God knows. By the time that this information was coming around, however, he had done more about squashing terrorist action against the US than George Bush did in his first 9 months in office, and it was all to rectify the effects of Bush Daddy and Saint Ronnie.

By 2000, Clinton had been raped in the press, by the press, and his fellow politicians. So, if he was a bit fatigued when it came to the matters of the nation, it was to have been expected. That wasn't the case, though. Nowhere does the article mention that President Clinton was ever presented with this information. Certainly, it doesn't mention that his NSA advisor tried to hand the information to him, while he was on vacation. Certainly, he did more to remain presidential while receiving oral pleasure, by simultaneously taking a phone call--than George "Goat Book story" ever could have. Talk about multi-tasking...!

Next up--what could Clinton have done to avoid Pearl Harbor? Only historical revisionists would object to the question, on the grounds that he hadn't been conceived yet. If he really wanted to, he could have stopped the Japanese from attacking.

So, to the Bill-haters I say, lay it on him. You'll never be able to break his spirit. You've insulted him, his wife, his daughter, as well as having leveled any number of innuendo-based charges against him, and yet he keeps coming back more popular than ever. If you want to tack on the responsibility of 3000+ deaths to him, go ahead. It was on Bush's watch. Clinton's team tried for months to warn the boy-chimp about the dangers of terrorism.

At the end of it all, he still has class. The same could never be said of his suck-cessor.

Impeach Bush!

Hump-Day News

2005-08-17T06:37:00.000-04:00

Karma police, arrest this man

He talks in maths

He buzzes like a fridge

He's like a detuned radio

--"Karma Police", Radiohead

Click here to find out what's going on with the bear.

Apparently, to get an audience with The Abomination, one must win seven Tour de France races, lose a nut to cancer, bang Sheryl Crow and start a rubber band-wearing phenomenon. Cindy, now you know what you have to do--go out and make it happen. Alternatively, Lance--you could bike the boy's ass out to the crowd.

Denmark balks at Canadian Naval might, begins negotiations. In other news, I really miss the CBC, and am forced to get my news bits from China. ...sigh...

Please don't laugh. The War On Terror is a serious matter. Orchestrated by fuckwads.

Does anyone have pics from this?

I'm just saying that it is never too early to start thinking about Christmas gifts!

Thanks to Michelle at Limp Pickle for the pick!

Profits up, stock down in poor beleaguered Wal-Mart country. Boo-hoo.

Billgrimage!

It's just a ruse, but damn--a cool notion just the same!

Imagine the speeches...and the world would still be scared of you...!

This Hump-Day was brought to you by the letter K, and the number 4.

We now return to our normally scheduled insanity.

Support The Troops!

2005-08-16T22:30:00.000-04:00

Impeaching a man over a blow job and a lie seems sorta ridiculous at this point, doesn't it?

The Real State of the Union!

2005-08-16T05:28:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my American brother, Robert--at A Little Left of Centrist. Muy apreciado, amigo!

Psycho Killer, Qu'est que c'est?!?

2005-08-16T05:17:00.000-04:00

It seems unlikely, but I honestly hope that this story ends peacefully, and that he gets all of the help that he clearly needs.

Kudos to the police and courts for releasing his name and photo, in order to assist in finding him.

That being said, I would ask all of my relatives and friends to get the hell out of the GTA, until they do find him!

A sinking feeling...

2005-08-15T20:47:00.000-04:00

Harper's chief of staff resigns

-excerpt-
Five others, all from the media-relations wing of Mr. Harper's office, have left in recent months. But Mr. Stairs insisted the departures are not a sign of malaise in Tory ranks.

Sure...deny deny deny all you want to. We're all so dumb that we'll believe anything. That's all fine and dandy..., but when they all end up in cushy Fraser Institute jobs, please don't mind if we get a bit skeptical. To be certain though, Harper's days of iron-clad leadership (what dat?!?) are over, and even the staunchest Tory-Reformer-Alliance-CPC-er are forming contingency plans now.

Let's face it: Harper can't keep his own party together, or his own personal staff. How could he ever be trusted with the affairs of the entire country? He can cry foul all he wants--against the "liberal media", socialist Canada, or whatever other perceived foe he believes is cock-blocking his ascension to the Prime Minister-ship--he's just not good enough, and he'll be the last person to ever realize it.

He tried to come of all Tasmanian Devil, but he ended up being as sad and ineffective as The Chickenhawk.

Boy...I says boy...get away from me boy--you're botherin' me.

That's all, folks.

More great PR for Wal-Mart

2005-08-15T17:40:00.000-04:00

You can't buy these types of headlines, can you?

Answers sought in death outside Wal-Mart
Man accused of theft begged to be let up from hot pavement, witness says

--excerpt--

"A man suspected of shoplifting goods from an Atascocita Wal-Mart — including diapers and a BB gun — had begged employees to let him up from the blistering pavement in the store's parking lot where he was held, shirtless, before he died Sunday, a witness said."

Jesus, why didn't they just shoot him down like a dog?

I've heard about protecting the profit margin and all, but damn...!

Under the new definition, does this constitute torture?

Monday Morning Round-Up

2005-08-15T00:26:00.000-04:00

Funny, isn't it--how the same people in a tizzy over Michaelle Jean's alledged involvement with the Quebec Seperatist movement don't seem to have a problem with Bush's qualifications to be POTUS.

The man can barely string words together to form a coherent sentence, yet holds two degrees from the most prestigious schools in America. He has dodged every request to pin down in time the exact date he last got high on cocaine. His service records during the Vietnam war are spotty at best. He has failed in every business venture he has ever undertaken.

Until he resigns from his position and admits that he is devastatingly under-qualified for it, I have no problem with Ms. Jean's appointment, spotty history or no.

~~~~~

This week, I visited the following blogs--and found them to be cool and visit-worthy:
8A Smoke-Filled Room
8Fjordman
8Limp Pickle
8Southbound Cinema
8Bring It On
8Cut To The Chase
8Saundrie
8Truespeak
8Rigorous Intuition
8A Voice In The Wilderness
8The Best Dog In The World
8A Canadian Lefty In Occupied Land

I hope that you enjoy them as much as I did!

~~~~~

With thanks to Bartcop!

If the Iraq mission is safe enough for America's youth to fight in, why can't Jenna and Babs II sign up?

Just asking...

~~~~~

...Other than the predilection for bunnies, he was an upright guy!
Those pesky neighbours! (What do you know? A Florida story!)
Thankfully, Simon won't have to break in a rookie
Crying gets you off on a light sentence
Welcome to The O.C., bitch! (This torture not approved by the White House!)
Deadly septuagenarian dead, Nova Scotia breathes sigh of relief

~~~~~

I really am the Boss From Hell, now!

I hope that the CBC lock-out doesn't last too long--it would be criminally ironic if hockey games weren't able to be broadcast. Don Cherry might have to resort to doing more sub commercials.

Have a great week everyone! I'll be doing some page work this week, so postings here and comments on your sites may become sporadic. I'll do what I can, though!

American Idiot

2005-08-15T00:01:00.000-04:00

Don't want to be an American idiot
One nation controlled by the media
Information age of hysteria
It's going out to idiot America

Welcome to a new kind of tension
All across the alien nation
Everything isn't meant to be okay
Television dreams of tomorrow
We're not the ones who're meant to follow
For that's enough to argue.

~~"American Idiot", Green Day

All of last week's bafoonery, in one well-written, funny-as-heck, convenient list.

The Grapes of Wrath

2005-08-14T09:24:00.000-04:00

Cindy Sheehan will not back down, and she is no longer alone.

The personal attacks against her will no longer work--people recognize the Rove-sleaze for what it is, having seen it too many times.

As I've stated before, the grief of a mother over a lost child is palpable to everyone with compassion. Her story, though, seems lost on a few. Bush is amongst that group. "Why should I meet with her--does she have oil?" seems to be his response.

I've read the argument that Bush should not have to meet with the parents of every dead soldier. He has important business to attend. The fact that he had already met with Sheehan seems to raise her critics' ire even more. How many opportunities does she deserve, and why exactly did she change her mind about the war?

Well, her son died last year. In that time, another approximately 800 soldiers (official count--who knows the real, unabridged count?) have died, and the carnage doesn't seem likely to end anytime soon. In that year, Ms. Sheehan has had an opportunity to cope with the loss of her son. She has also been able to bear witness to some rather disgusting war-related stories about the lead-up to the invasion, the growing profit margins of Halliburton, the crass comments of Rumsfeld and Cheney...and the fact that Bush seems unlikely to withdraw from the conflict before his term ends. So why is she angry?

I'd be angry too.

I'd be angry if my child was killed in a preventable war. I'd be angry if my leader was asking for more sacrifices, all the while taking in a five-week vacation every year. I'd be furious if my grief was manipulated by the neo-cons and the compliant press into something partisan and ugly.

How out of step is Bush, with what the people think and care about? Does he consider all protest against him to be insignificant? As he is impervious to making mistakes, surely his meeting with Cindy Sheehan would be the right thing to do, if he did it. I'd say that it was a no-brainer, but I wouldn't want to be insulting.

The Weekend Wanker: Anti "Super-Size Me" Edition

2005-08-14T00:02:00.000-04:00

Completely missing the point of Morgan Spurlock's brilliant film, the heavily reported story of the North Carolina woman who lost weight from an all-Mickey D's diet seems intent on dispelling some of the damage done to the mega-corp by the tiny documentary that could.

Spurlock's film wasn't about making the "smart choices" from the menu, but rather the realistic and common ones made everyday by you and me. Okay--not me anymore, since I saw the film--but you get my drift. It wasn't about counting just the calories, but also the sodium, the carbs, the fats--and what the cumulative effect that the food had upon his body and his lifestyle.

Aside from gaining weight from his one-month ordeal, he also did considerable damage to his liver. His complexion changed. His sex drive was diminished.

Little Miss wants to dismiss all of that with her "miracle diet"? The story at the time was so enthusiastically received that McDonald's no longer asks if a customer wants something super-sized. Add to that all of the "smarter" menu selections introduced within the last year, and one can only surmise that they really and truly felt intimidated by Spurlock. This story simply smacks as way too little, way too late.

Shiny Happy Bloggers

2005-08-13T09:46:00.000-04:00

Mark Morford has written an excellent column about so-called "Liberal Intolerance". After the week of right-whinger idiocy on my comments section, thanks to Jeffy and his flock, reading Morford's words was a real inspiration. He receives oodles of cave-man e-mails slagging his progressive opinions, and I think he found a great way to respond to it. See if you don't agree:

--excerpt--

"... Where is that famous so-called tolerance I thought all you libs were supposed to possess like some sort of gentle polyamorous smiling hug for the world?"
To which I reply: You cannot be serious. Does the answer really need to be articulated? Is it not painfully obvious? Can I have a shot of Patrón and a long nap before I answer? Here goes ...
You, hate-mailers from the sanctimonious Right and even some of you morally paralyzed middle-grounders from the Left, are correct. I am, in fact, deeply intolerant. It is true. I can hide my deep biases and predispositions no longer.
I cannot, for example, tolerate the dark and violent road down which this nation seems intent on careening like an Escalade on meth. I cannot tolerate brutal never-ending unnecessary wars and I cannot allow gay rights to be bashed and I truly loathe watching women's rights be slammed back to 1952. Or 1852.

Stand up and fight for what you value, folks. The Right are intent, fueled by fear and intolerance and prejudice, on doing real damage to the social structure of North America. It isn't nearly as prevalent in Canada (yet) as it is in the States, but why wait?

This week, we witnessed a grieving mother become vilified as she sought answers, while the smirking Abomination of a President drove by in his limo. Why is she the bad guy in this? That ain't right!

Profits for Halliburton and the major oil companies are soaring, all the while the US deficit and gas prices are doing the same thing.That ain't right!

Same-sex marriage is being touted as the gateway social issue leading to legalized polygamy, beastiality and incest, at the same time that a former Nazi is elected Pope. That ain't right!

Hydro companies are turning back the clock on scientific progress approximately 3 centuries, by turning to coal to solve their production woes, at the same time that the effects of global warming are creating the need for electricity in the first place. That ain't right!

Words are being redefined so that their legal meaning won't cause political problems, but torture is still going on. That ain't right!

Fight back as if your country depended upon you...because it does.

--End of rant--
In other news:

The Blue Jays finally remember how to win
If you build them comfy, they will come! Again, and again, and again...
Carmella Soprano for Senate!
Grewal gets a pass
Mick wimps out
As George vacations, all Hell is breaking loose in Iraq--but someone had to clear the brushes, right???
speaking of dicks...
...the Camry is expected to make a full recovery, however.
Paul gives Ralphie a smack-down
Punk is really dead now
Argh!!!-- the visuals on this will keep me awake for days!
"Job stress" not an excuse to grope minors
the spirit of Punk lives on!
Rate My Finger! This is what the internet was meant for, right?
Signs that the new TV season is upon us
Please send this to someone who needs it: 1-888-NODUMBASS

Meet me at the Carwash, ahh!

...and that's how you market a successful business, kids.

Play nice, now!

Fun with South Park Characters

2005-08-13T08:44:00.000-04:00

Me, before Sweet Baby:

Me, after Sweet Baby:

Join in with the fun!!! Build your own South Park character here!

Vanity Fair-er

2005-08-13T07:50:00.000-04:00

Have no fear, Jeff--help for you is now available! They can have you fixed up in no time.

Quote!

2005-08-12T07:10:00.000-04:00

'Well, it's the same way I don't care about anything else: Christ died for my sins and nothing else matters.' -- Ann Coulter

Hot For Teacher Redux

2005-08-12T07:03:00.000-04:00

2005 is the year of the TILF, I guess.

Add another one to the list.

It's Bush's fault.

Impeachment now!

Compassionate Conservative?

2005-08-12T06:46:00.000-04:00

Tell it to Cindy Sheehan.

If you had the balls to meet with her, you snivelling excuse of a president.

Which you don't.

"...there were reports he is travelling solely by helicopter when he leaves the ranch in an effort to avoid racing past the protester in a limousine."

That's smooth, George.

Also smooth is the way that your flacks have been crucifying Cindy in the press. Grieving moms are not a demographic that historically is frowned upon by society. You're only doing damage to yourself with this one.

This is how folk heroes are created.

This is how Nixon lost Vietnam.

This is the End.

Impeach Bush!

CAN-AM Bloogers Unite!

2005-08-11T23:01:00.000-04:00

Another cool alliance to join, with great thanks to Robert at A Little Left of Centrist!

Just a friendly

Alliance of U.S.

and Canadian

Bloggers

The Daily Wanker: Legal Redefinition Edition

2005-08-11T22:16:00.000-04:00

To quote my least favourite Albertan, I call bullshit!
--excerpt--

"(Department of Justice) spokeswoman Cynthia Magnuson issued this short statement: "The United States does not practice torture, export torture or condone torture."

In legal briefs written by U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, the Justice Department has defined torture to mean "pain consistent with major organ failure or death."

--what?!?

From the Concise Oxford English Dictionary

torture: n
1) the action or practice of inflicting severe pain as a punishment or a forcible means of persuasion;
2) great suffering or anxiety

Hmm...no mention of organ failure, or even death. The Oxford way, listening to a Yoko Ono CD, is still torture. Alberto's way, I'd have to listen to the same CD until my kidneys failed, out of spite.

So, the question is this: Did Alberto Gonzales need to change the definition of torture in order to exclude current practices? Does the United States condone the dictionary definition of torture?

The repugs redefine torture as if they had every right to do so; they screamed with indignant and righteous fury when Clinton postulated what the definition of "is" is.

Fair and balanced. Never fair...never balanced.

9/11 Grief Has Officially Jumped The Shark

2005-08-11T00:11:00.000-04:00

This is not about honour or respect, or remembering the dead and injured...:
Pentagon to host 9/11 march, show

--excerpt--

The Pentagon will hold a massive march and country music concert to mark the fourth anniversary of 9/11, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said in an unusual announcement tucked into an Iraq war briefing yesterday.
"This year the Department of Defense will initiate an America Supports You Freedom Walk," Rumsfeld said, adding that the march would remind people of "the sacrifices of this generation and of each previous generation." Except for the generation who dodged the Vietnam War draft, right Rummy?

One assumes/hopes that the Dixie Chicks and Steve Earle will not be performing.

So, what do you think? Is this merely another example of the Bush Reich's insensitivity, or an outright assault upon decency.

I blog...you decide.

Fly Me To The Moon...

2005-08-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

...let me play among the stars...

...all for a mere $100 million?

I'm starting to save for it right this minute!

I'll happily accept all donations.

Bill Gates!!! --I'm talking to you, sir!

George Lucas-- you owe me, for the last three movies, and the countless re-releases of the good ones!

Don't be shy...why would you want to deprive a poor Canadian boy of his dream...?

PS: Happy Birthday, step-kid...wherever you are!

CDW: Miss Ellie!

2005-08-10T19:26:00.000-04:00

Lung cancer takes another great. Bel Geddes was always the heart and soul of Dallas.

My vacation resumes now...

No more celebrity deaths for 24 hours!

Serve The Servants

2005-08-09T22:58:00.000-04:00

This is funny.

Thanks to Too Stupid To Be President, for the link.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
They also have a little something for L-Girl and Redsock:

Top 11 reasons not to flee to Canada

11. Wouldn't want to be subject to U.S. foreign policy.
10. We've invaded enough countries.
9. Red-staters would suffer terrible privation without federal funds derived from blue-state taxes.
8. Loverboy.
7. Schwarzenegger has already drawn up plans for its annexation in 2009.
6. A Canadian gallon of gas is almost $3.00
5. 50% Canadian Content from 6PM to midnight.
4. You actually believe that the U.S. meat packing industry is protecting you from bovine spongiform encephalopathy.
3. It didn't work for the Nez Perce.
2. A summer day is about 25 degrees.
1. No one believed you would actually go through with it, drama queen.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Novak is a member of a sect? It sez so here!

She thinks that she's a fan?!? Hah, I say! No one's a bigger fan than moi!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I'm taking a day off from this stuff. It will be my first in three and a half months.

Catch ya's back here again, on Thursday!

The Daily Wanker

2005-08-09T20:22:00.000-04:00

Matt Drudge, for many reasons... but today, for fueling the lunatic notions of a seperatist Alberta. Granted, Ezra "Yes I'll take friggin' fries with that!!!" Levant's prattlings weren't based entirely in reality to begin with, but now they've gone and sold their idea to the 'Mericans, all hungry fer oil and all.

I like this from the Calgary Sun's Kitty Litter liner notes: "In the poll's supplementary questions, 64 per cent of respondents said Martin had done a "poor job" at ending western alienation. "

What exactly Westerners had done to end western alienation was not addressed in this poll. Nor is it ever addressed. They sulk and whine and whing a whole heap load, but they sure don't know how to shut the hell up.

I hope that when the time comes for the selfish bastards to pack up and go that they remember how federal tax incentive programs helped pay for the petroleum industry's development over the last 25 years.

You can make the cheque out to "The People of Canada".

I'm sure that the fine fellas at the Cocksmoker-stan Chronicles can't wait to leave this fine nation of ours. But from the paltry, less than a majority showing for this "non-uprising", it won't be happening anytime soon.

Daily Constitutional

2005-08-09T00:06:00.000-04:00

I caught "Six Feet Under" last night, and I must agree with the TWOP posters, that the show is ending on a high note, even if it sagged a bit during the last two years. Only John Irving can strike the same level of tragedy & comedy. Great cast, great writing--the guy in the red hoodie scared the bejeezus out of me for about 20 minutes after it ended.

Lauren Ambrose still rocks. All Alone is all we are...indeed-amundo.

Two months later, now they tell us!
Happy 45th anniversary to Timothy Leary--on the occasion of his first "trip"!
Nortel stock up 13%-- to close at $.39
Talk about ungrateful-- a $75 million dollar lawsuit when everyone walked away? Sheesh!
Cars for Crack
Dude--we're getting a call centre!
British Big Brother sure sounds like it's more fun than the US version
Gergie sucks as Prez--the Times sez so, and they even have graphics to prove it!

Ever have a day like this?

Thanks to Sharon, via SB for the pic.
I betcha he didn't call "No survives-ies!"
Let this be a warning to everyone--no more pictures!She told us that we couldn't handle her truth, and we ignored her
Hey!!!-- This place is like Amazon-For-Adults! .
Is there anything sadder than knowing Corey Feldman couldn't keep his web site up?
Ezra knows all about impotency -- how is it that this wank still pulls down work after his Post flame-out, anyway? Is he really David Frum?

Last but not least...

I am

What Rejected Crayon Are You?
Blessed are the Indifferent. As if they care.