.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Saturday, May 28, 2005

probably just a coincidence...

...but every time I run spell-check on a post with "Santorum" in the text, it comes back suggesting "scrotum". You'll like this--the infamous "man-on-dog" interview.

As someone who is preparing to have a few gents over for BBQ and poker, I can only hope that my burgers are as tasty as Carl Jr.'s. I am waiting for the day that Paris Hilton s deemed to be just too obscene for the planet, and asked to leave. Watch the clip from CNN and tell me--does Brent Bozell resemble anything more than an Amish elder? In case you're curious as to what exactly has gotten up Brent's skirt this time, here's a link to the actual ad. You know, if Bush really thought about it for a moment, the fastest way to get widespread support for Social Security reforms is to shoot an ad with Paris and Nicole. ("Personalized Accounts?? They're Hot!" "Yeah.")

Years after Mike Harris quit political life as Ontario's premier, the ugliest calamities of his rule -the Ipperwash massacre and the e coli outbreak in Walkerton--are still wreaking havoc on the survivors. Frankly, I want him to come back to politics, just to leave, so that the door has another opportunity to hit him in the ass.

Rabble.com columnist Scott Piakowski calls Stephen Harper on his overtly hypocritical treatment towards Belinda Stronach's floor-crossing party change 2 weeks ago. Thanks Scott--good on you for putting into words what so many of us have been saying in the lunchrooms and living rooms of Canada since it happened.

2 hours and counting until the first (of many, hopefully!) Funcentral Poker Night. I just know that I'm going to do poorly. I hope that the card-gods are kind. I have my seat in the Loser Lounge already reserved.

I hope that the night is kinder to you...

~~andy~~

funcentral and the Gay Marriage Debate

So, why should I care?

I'm not gay, and I'm already married--so what do I have to gain with my support for this cause?

Don't I feel threatened by "them"?

The answers are very simple, frankly. I remember a time--maybe eleven years ago--when I didn't care one way or the other about gay rights. But I was living with a gay friend of mine at the time, and it was very important to him. Thinking about him and his interests prompted me to think about the issue further.

What I came up with was this, and it has remained my position on this issue ever since: No one group in society (gender, race, religion, orientation or affluence) should ever be in a position to grant another group any rights. Because, if that point is true, than it is also likely that the group in power is able to take those rights away. Rights sought by gays and lesbians are not considered to be based on privilege. Therefore, they don't have to earn them, just like women didn't have to earn the right to vote.

I wasn't the first person in history to come to this conclusion. English philosopher John Locke surely made it sound far more eloquent. Thomas Jefferson also chimed in with something called the Declaration of Independence. In case you are in need of a refresher:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

When so much of our society's laws and beliefs are founded and reliant upon one way of thinking--the equality of all mankind--we can never afford to slip away from that foundation for a moment. To do so would cause society itself to crumble.
End of sermon. Thank you for staying.

Please note that, at no time, did I ever mention the Bible.

It simply has no place in rational discussion.

Ever.

Anyway, as I stated, this opinion of mine is eleven years old. But I also remember saying to my friend at the time that--while I maintain that it is wrong to withhold or mete out rights to select groups--things in society change very slowly. Women did not receive the right to vote until after decades of struggle. Apartheid in South Africa ended only after three decades of protest. If gays and lesbians were ever to have equal recognition in society and under the law, it would take time.


After eleven years, and with Ellen and Rosie coming out, and the Fab Five and Will & Grace and Queer As Folk, and 9/11 showing us again how short life really is, I think that it is time now. Time to change, and time to accept.

Change will not bring chaos. Change will not harm the children. Change will not harm my marriage.

It is not the "gateway" lifestyle that some believe it to be...it is merely correcting something that should have been rectified long ago.

Bush's new Canadian puppet


"First, you put the lime in the coconut, and drink 'em both together..."

Allow me to introduce you to the just-confirmed, brand-spanking-new US Ambassador to Canada, Mr. David Horton Wilkins. No real shocks in his bio--he's pretty much a party flunky, serving as South Carolina's re-elect Dick 'n' Dicker 2004 campaign. This keeps in line with most of Bush's appointments--reward those who helped you.

Interesting note in Wilkins' bio though--and perhaps something that the Canadian media may want to ask him about when he arrives--but Davey's only been to Canada once--thirty years ago!!!

I ask again, was Pat Buchanan unavailable for the assignment, or merely uninterested?

Choosing someone else from this list of pant-loads would have at least made diplomatic relations between our two nations interesting. I'm thinking specifically of Rush--does he know about our health care plan and top-quality pharmaceuticals? And dude...BC Bud?...fan-frickin'-tastic!

Friday, May 27, 2005

What a dick!

Is it safe to now say that the war on terror has gone too far?

Can you just leave the fake pricks alone, and bring the real ones to justice?

I didn't intend for this post to be entirely phallic in theme and content, but here's another dick causing trouble...

...and another! You Americans...taking advantage of a sweet, innocent Canadian girl...for shame!

With all of this wanker-talk, you're probably hungry now for some Bush, no? Better uses of Georgie's investigative skills include finding Osama, the person who leaked Valerie Plame's identity to Novak, or maybe even JonBenet Ramsey's and Nicole Simpson's killers...to complete the list of mysteries that will never be solved.

In closing...these are guaranteed to leave a good taste in your mouth or hers...or wherever...now, there's no excuse lads!

CDW: Eddie Albert -- at home with Arnold and Eva again


poker night at funcentral tomorrow


There's still room at the table, in case anyone changes their mind.

thinskinitis claims another Republican!

Normally, only Bushes suffer from thinskinitis, a horrible disease rendering the sufferer powerless against deadly media attacks.

Now, poor Tom Delay is struck down by this horrible killer! Sadly, the only known cure for thinskinitis is to actually grow more vertabrae.

Tom, suck it up and be a man.

For Frist's sake, a TV show mention is the least of your problems!

how many Ann Coulter slags can you fit in one post, anyway?

"I'm not crazy, I'm not smoking pot!" Ann Coulter? Nancy Grace? Kevin Federline? No...just another update from poor Dave Chappelle. Godspeed, sir!

Buy one tour of duty, get another for free!


I've always heard great things about Milwaukee.

"Vacationers on the Indian Ocean islands tend to smile dismissively at accounts in guidebooks of the bat-like ogre said to prey on men, women and children." Ann Coulter? Nancy Grace? Kevin Federline? No...just a sex-mad demon...oh wait...maybe...!

"Take that, evil Palpatine!"


The off-chance that an image of condoms and an image of Bush would appear on the same page? Just be glad that I didn't have the heart or stomach to go looking for Coulter or Grace--or for that matter K-Fed--pictures.

Those would've been scarier than the spider bite pics from yesterday.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Texas Hurt 'Em, more like it!

Men, let this be a lesson to you. If she wants more lovin', always oblige her!

I had to end the day on a non-political note--too much conservative-bashing is bad for the soul.

Be good to each other, and to yourselves always.


vaya con Dios, muchachos!

not exactly "hot off the press"

Sometimes it is very difficult to stay current with each and every idiotic thing to come out of the Abomination's mouth. I blog each and every day, sometimes more than once, and I swear that this is the first that I saw of Bush's brow-beating to the Repug Congress. And this is already three days old!

Tell me how--with party majority in both houses--he still has to threaten them and coerce them into passing his gawdawful SS plans? I give Karl Rove exactly 30 days of job security, and then the Boy King will grease his sorry ass. (I sincerely apologize for the mental images which that last sentence may have sprung upon you.)


~~~~~~~

In other news, it finally seems to be that the wheels have come off the great Terror Round-'Em-Up wagon, and the gate-keepers may actually have to one day answer for their human rights violations. Of course, prior to being selected president, Boosh wasn't the most traveled of souls, so the notion that he may one day be arrested on the beach in Cancun seems mighty far-fetched.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows

That too many people have died

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,

The answer is blowin' in the wind."

~~Bob Dylan

From the Iraq Coalition Casuality Count site, comes the grim and cold numbers. On top of the 1800+ reported there, please add the following additional 2100. Democratic Underground has a great column on Bush-era military woes (surely attributable to Clinton, as are so many other things) and the state of disrepair that the armed services are in. Way to set a legacy, George.

Golly, I even remember when you chided the Clinton-Gore administration ("Our military is low on parts, pay and morale. If called on by the commander-in-chief today, two entire divisions of the Army would have to report, "Not ready for duty, sir." This administration had its moment, they had their chance, they have not led. We will. ") on its ability to handle the military, and it kinda sounded like you were going to do a better job of it...or was I reading too much into that statement?

As my brother-in-law is so very fond of saying, payback is a bitch!

George--in all seriousness--each one of those coffins coming back from Iraq carries broken dreams and broken hearts inside of it. Whatever you think you may be achieving with this cataclysmic exercise in machismo, it is simply not worth the cost.

On the eve of your Memorial Day weekend, please consider that possibility.

It is what Christ would do. I'm certain of that.


Thursday, May 26, 2005

why don't we just turn it into a drinking game?

Has it really been a week since the last Nazi reference made the headlines? Time flies when you're trying to bring peace to the world.

Welcome to the N-bomb league...Mr. Donald Rumsfeld!

________________________________________________

I posted my Bush death watch blip here this morning, but I had first written/posted it about two weeks ago for my other blog. This shows that either I have fans in the real media, or I'm not alone in making the link to a conspiracy.
________________________________________________
Why is it that conservatives need think tanks, anyway? Does it really require sooooo many people to end up sounding that far off base? Liberals have them too, but they're called blogs--or dinner parties. Is that why we're losing the culture war?
__________________________________________________
I'm sorry that I ever worked there, even if it was only for two weeks in the mail room--17 years ago. I was young, needed the money and didn't know any better. Bad bad multi-national...
__________________________________________________
You know, I'm not opposed to budget cuts. I understand that we as a city, a province or a nation cannot always afford all of the services that we would like to have offered. But I have to draw the line at reducing the available hours for a suicide help-line. All of this to help save on $30,000 a year. I'd be happy to write a cheque, folks!

If I hadn't seen it on my own blog...

this is from the little news service I have runing on my sidebar:
--excerpt--

TV station admits bias in report on school
TOKYO, May
26 (UPI) --
Japanese public broadcaster NHK has apologized to
an Osaka high school over a feature program that exaggerated a decline in moral standards
among its students.


My favourite quote, though: "...those in charge had preconceptions ..."

Damn. Don't you hate when that happens? To their credit, at least it the bias was admitted.


just asking

I don't want to start a conspiracy theory or anything, but has anyone been keeping track of how many writers who oppose Bush have ended up dead by their own hands? After five years, isn't it time to start a Bush bodycount?



"Guess who's back...back again...Gumby's back...tell a friend..."

Just for shits and giggles, I conducted an experiment. I wanted to see whether or not FOX News posted transcripts of its shows online. The result: Yes, with an asterisk. My question now is this--how much "editing for clarity" was required to make Bill O'Reilly sound less like a rabid squirrel? Note down at the bottom of the excerpt, Bill's back to not being wrong again. I was worried for a minute.

As for this headline--I was still in the neighbourhood--relax, it's not another Terry Schiavo story. Interesting bit, though--Bill didn't ask about Tom Delay's interest in the TS case, or for that matter--Congress, or the President's--but when Jesse Jackson takes interest in the plight of a five year-old girl being brutalized by police. Yeah...no...I see why his getting involved might be uncalled for, Bill. You ass!


O homem da aranha, homem da aranha, faz o que quer que uma aranha pode." The article's in Portuguese, so I translated the lyrics to the "Spider-man" song, too! I "heart" Babelfish! (warning for the squeemish--it gets pretty gruesome further down!)

So, Democrats have no class, eh Tom Delay? So, swearing, lying, self-agrandizing, mocking, adultery, announcing the intent to divorce via e-mail, manipulating the law to benefit those in favour -- these are all classy things, Tom?

I see.

"Did Bo win?"

For the second consecutive week, I was JJ Abrams' whore for three whole hours last night, and have the dropped jaw to prove it.

The season finales for both Lost and Alias kicked it up a notch (I vow never to use that phrase again, after this!) by placing their respective stars in maximum jeopardy.

"Dude!"
"For starters, my name isn't Michael Vaughn..."

I'm too tired and strung out to come up with theories. I'm just happy that the season is over.

No, really...I am.

Now, maybe I can start my evening walking regimen again.

If boredom ever sets in, there is still the non-stop comedy that is US politics to keep me amused.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

An apology to Newsweek will be forthcoming shortly, no doubt

from AP:
FBI Records Cite Quran Abuse Allegations
By ROBERT BURNS, AP Military Writer


WASHINGTON
- "Their behavior is bad," one detainee is quoted as saying of his guards during an interrogation by an FBI special agent in July 2002. "About five months ago the guards beat the detainees. They flushed a Quran in the toilet."
The statements about guards disrespecting the Quran echo public allegations made many months later by some detainees and their lawyers after prisoners' release from Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. The once-secret FBI documents show a consistency to the allegations and are the first indication that Justice and Defense department officials were aware in early 2002 that detainees were accusing their guards of mistreating the holy book.
One told an interrogator in March 2003 that guards had repeatedly mishandled the Quran. This detainee asked why the United States, as a supporter of freedom of religion, was using the Muslim holy book as a weapon.
Still another said in October 2002 that he and other detainees had been "beaten, spit upon and treated worse than a dog."



________________________________________________________
This month's Harper's contains a rather damning essay from a former Gitmo inhabitant. Just in case that fire needed more fuel.
Where is the media on this?

"Hey everyone! Look over here! A celebrity is pregnant! "

____________________________________________

For some light reading, here is the Amnesty International Report for 2005. Canada has nothing to be proud of in this one, except perhaps that the length of our entry is about a quarter of the USA's. Talk about your distinct societies.

_____________________________________________

Celebrity Death Watch (CDW, from now on): Ismail Merchant

______________________________________________

And finally, which is indecent?

hamburger ad ~~~~~~~~~~or the current going price of democracy ?
or

Does it pass the "depends if it's Clinton or not" test?

I'm not saying that Republicans are big fat hypocrites, but...read this article about the mayor of Spokane Washington. He used "poor judgment in his personal life", he says. Mayor Jim is rejecting calls for his resignation over his poor judgment, supposedly under the impression that all would be forgiven. No one should publicly be held accountable for something done in their personal life, right?

Well, you know something Sugar-tits-- Bill Clinton probably thought the same thing! And he never once campaigned for anti-fellatio laws. So far as I know, he was always supportive of them.

It is the hypocrisy (okay, maybe I am saying that they are) that so annoys me. So long as it was consensual, you can--wait a minute--didn't the article say something about man-boy action, too? Does that still qualify for poor judgment? Because if it does, someone should maybe tell Michael Jackson's legal team.

the best part of yesterday...

...was being with my sweet baby at Dairy Queen, and not caring about any other person on the planet, for an entire fifteen minutes.

I love the way that her eyes light up when I say something funny. I love the way she can never finish whatever she orders when we hit a DQ.

In this mixed up, often-times violent and angry world, she is my everything. I just thought that had to be typed out.

It may seem like a waste of bandwidth to some, but not to me.

TVC --OK by me!

I "heart" the Traditional Values Coalition.

Their website has many valuable (and value-full!!!) resources.

To make the transition into traditional value territory easy on a sinner, they define what traditional values are.

They tell...er, suggest...what you should concern yourself with.

They even provide assistance and counselling for those gay and/or transgendered individuals, so that they may lead a more traditional-valued lifestyle. Remember, sodomy is okay--when it occurs between a husband and his wife. The other way around --of course-- is called pegging.

That all sounded sort of sweet, almost benign. Certainly, it was well-intentioned. Then I had to go and ruin it all, with my liberal-based snooping. I glanced further down the Home page, to find their "Battle Plan". Faster than you could say, "Holy Onward Christian soldiers, Batman!", I was in the belly of the beast.

Any guesses as to how many sentences it took before liberals were smeared?

Did you guess "one"?

"For 40 years, the anti-God Left has been using America’s courts to impose an anti-religion, anti-family agenda on America -– an extremist agenda that politicians (even most liberals) would never dare vote for.
And, ultra-liberal Democrats and the ACLU are leading a well-funded, orchestrated campaign to block the confirmation of President Bush’s pro-family federal judge nominees."

Wow.

Four hundred years ago, religious nutbars were asked to leave England. Do you think that just maybe they need to relocate again?
Is the plan to go to Mars still a go?
Democratic Underground has a good article on just how far away from Jesus' teachings the fundie/flat-earthers have come.
No matter how you interpret the words of Jesus, I'm still certain--and it has been a veeeeery long time since I read the Bible--that he never said that it was okay to molest animals and children.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

On Medicine

"...medicine will have to convert itself into a science that serves to prevent disease and orients the public toward carrying out its medical duties. Medicine should only intervene in cases of extreme urgency, to perform surgery or something else which lies outside the skills of the people of the new society we are creating."
~~Che Guevara, 1960
"To reduce this issue (stem cell research) to an abortion issue is a horrible injustice to 100 million Americans suffering the ravages of diabetes, spinal cord paralysis, heart disease, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's disease, cancer, MS [multiple sclerosis], Lou Gehrig's disease and other fatal, debilitating diseases."
~~Rep. Jim Ramstad(R-Minn), following the House vote May 24 2005
~~
We pride ourselves so often on the progress made in medical research. Isn't now time to reconfigure how research is done, so that it is out of the purview of the lawmakers, or at least the pretend president and his fanatic puppet masters?
This is not a subject that affords me any amount of emotional distance, unlike drilling for oil in Alaska, or the continuing defaming of the Muslim people.
I have diabetes.
Members of my family are suffering or have suffered from heart disease, Parkinson's disease, cancer and MS.
The revolution, if there ever will be one, needs to start now.

we are not alone in this fight

Being a leftist for my entire adult life (20 years and counting), I've always felt a bit out of place, except during the first few golden months following NDP-er Bob Rae's election as Ontario Premier, back in 1990.

Since I've been blogging, though, I've felt connected to like-minded folk.

Don't get me wrong. I love my wife, and she loves me. Its just that sometimes I'm a bit too out there, even for her.

Not so, with my electronic brothers and sisters.

I just joined the Progressive Blog Alliance. If this sounds like your kind of thing, I encourage you to join also.

Tell 'em Andy sent you!

Like a fox on the run

From yesterday's White House Press Conference:

(the question is regarding the US relationship with the recently conquered...er, democratized nation of Afghanistan)

Q So when you talk about a partnership, is it fair to say that the United States is the senior partner, and Afghanistan is the junior partner?

MR. McCLELLAN: No, it's a partnership. A partnership, by nature, is equal.

Q That being the case, and the matters regarding the sovereign territory of Afghanistan, would not Afghanistan have an equal opportunity to say, we want certain things, therefore we should get them?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, it is a sovereign country, and they are a duly-elected government that represents the people of Afghanistan. We are there at their invitation. But we have a very good relationship, as you heard from the two leaders. This is a strong partnership, and we want to move forward together to address the challenges that are ahead of us. And that's exactly what we'll continue to do with President Karzai and other leaders from Afghanistan.

Q But when the President of Afghanistan says, we want more involvement in the decisions that are made militarily, and the United States says, we'll see, is that an equal partnership?

MR. McCLELLAN: We'll continue to cooperate and consult closely with Afghanistan. That's what the President made very clear. These are arrangements that are worked out with the host government. I would refer you right back to the joint declaration that Terry cited at the beginning of this briefing for the language in there. I think that that addresses your question.

("...and even if it didn't, well...suck it--that's all you're getting out of me!")

True Scott, by nature a partnership is equal.

Most partnerships, however, aren't between a nuclear super-power and a third world country decimated by decades of war and famine. As for being there at their invitation, well...who's going to slam the door in your faces? Everyone has seen what you did so far.

I really enjoy when Scott seems to squirm from the questions. Further down in the text, Scooter totally avoids answering a question about Howard Dean, and then ignores the Rush-on-Hillbilly Heroin comment.

Poor little Bambi...

24

Dear Producers of 24,

Longtime viewer, first-time writer here.

Hi there--just a small request for next season, and then I'll leave you be.

Jack Bauer--next year?--he could come back, or not--at this point, I'm indifferent to him. He's had a good run, he walked off into the sunrise a free man.

But for all that is good and glorious, please make certain that Mandy comes back next year. She totally rocked every scene that she appeared in. I'm pretty certain that she would be the one woman Chloe would actually defer to.

Oh, and she's just a little bit on the muy caliente side.

respectfully,

FUNCENTRAL

i'm a one-blog man again

in a fit of house-cleaning, i decided to rid the electronic world of my other blog, and will populate these pages with a few remains from there. wanted to set a different tone with that one. turns out that i had nothing new to say on it, and it ended up pretty much sounding like this one.


top film lists we could do without

Remember back when the internet was still a new thing, and people felt compelled to publish "Top (insert number) Films of All Time" lists? They all claimed to be different, but really only changed the rankings of "Citizen Kane" over "Casablanca". There were even a few fan-voted ones, too.

Well, Time Magazine felt that enough time had passed since the last one, and they've come out with a new one. They don't bother ranking the movies though. Naming them is enough. I'll only debate the content for a moment--Finding Nemo is better than The Seventh Seal?

Really?

Good for you, guys. This and a few more puff pieces like the one you ran on Ann Coulter will keep you outside of Karl Rove's sight lines for a while.

Why did Time choose now, when a Senate filibuster is looming, chaos is rocking the Muslim world, the President's sagging approval ratings, Desperate Housewives' killer finale and Britney's pregnancy could all use more intensive coverage? The first two, more than the last two, really.

The flushing sound that you hear is journalisitc integrity--it only sounds like the Quran.

super-duper all-Queen photo edition


"So long--and thanks for all the--crikey--was that fish, Phillip? Cuz they 'ave the mad cow thing, here!"


You've got quite a mouth on ya, for an overweight crippled conservative! Who do you think you are? Bob Dole?


Hot Washington Sex blog Alert! Here's the blog, and here's the requisite lawsuit details!

Paging the Fab Five--stat!!!
Can we just go back in time, when naked Asian people were only shown in National Geographic? For the children, really!

Last show ever?
We've heard that before. Don't let the door hit you in the pasties on the way out.

...and finally...Santorum. That frothy, frothy...

oh wait...not that Santorum...this one isn't necessarily the by-product of anal sex, though it would explain a lot. Ole Rick's gotten himself in the headlines again, this time by using the N-word to describe Democrats. No--the other N-word. He "meant no offence", so--bygones, right? I mean, it wasn't like when the Democrats dropped the N-bomb, two months ago, right Rick? Hypocrite!!! It's not like he was blaming Dems for 9/11, or physically threatening them, or labeling (libeling, surely) half of the country as being treasonous--like Ann Coulter did.


Moving right along, wow...do you really think Angelina broke up Jen and Brad?

one more for the road--i needed a laugh

...and I found these!
  1. The funniest thing ever written about Ann Coulter. Fiction, or not. Dirty as all-get-out, so don't read it at work, Liam!
  2. The funniest spoof of a single-panel comic strip.
  3. The second-funniest thing ever written about Ann Coulter. Does she deserve this? Perhaps not. I try not to judge. Aww, who's kidding who--this is funny!

'...get ready to stuff the only thing interesting about you into the sloppy end of my digestive tract."

’‘Which end is that?’

OUCH!


Monday, May 23, 2005

...and I woulda gotten away with it too--if it weren't for you pesky activist judges!!!

In a year of sequels (ROTS, Batman Begins) and remakes (The Dukes of Hazzard, The Longest Mile), who ever thought we'd see Roe v. Wade II: Revenge of the Frist?

The Supremes have another go scheduled for the fall, trying to overturn a parental notification law in New Hampshire, for any woman under the age of 18 trying to obtain an abortion.

Quick question, then I'm off to bed:

Was the Abomination's stance on abortion in 1978 framed at all by his 15 year old ex-girlfriend's abortion, in 1971?

Talk about your "no children left behind"--sheesh.

The Anti-Me

I have found the absolute opposite of me, and it blogs too!

Just so that we're clear, I will never ever ever ever ever begin an entry with the words "Andrew Sullivan has a wonderfully pithy comment...". Never. Replace "pithy" with "Tourette's-related" and you may be onto something, though.

I live to laugh.

I laugh to live.

decisions...

or

Seriously, try both.


or

Who do you trust more? (Alternative question--which is most likely to be able to find his way out of a wet paper bag?)


or

Biggest boob?


or

Biggest liar?

Long Weekend--Day 3 of 4

I like my job.

I like time off from it just a wee bit more.

If you're like me, and you're taking it easy today, check out The Dude! It has nothing to do with the film The Big Lebowski, but fun just the same.

Or perhaps you'd like to view the latest "Boondocks" strip?

Or review the history of defecation in film?

Need any more reasons not to have kids? They're a buzzkill, for sure.

If you can't wait until tonight's 24, here's what happens. In the end, it kinda tastes like de-alcoholized wine.


Feel like going shopping? Check out the gift shop section of Betty Bower 's web site. Then, maybe take a gander at her prescription for preserving the sanctity of marriage.

Bush 5+, Liberal Media 0

"Another one bites the dust, hey-hey!"


First, the New York Times took a hit on journalistic ethics with the Jayson Blair fiasco.

Following what amounted to being found guilty in provoking a British scientist to kill himself, the world couldn't even count on the BBC anymore, either.

Then last fall, CBS and Dan Rather went down like the proverbial lead zeppelin. One must assume that the documents in question were known to be forged as the originals were long ago destroyed. Or am I reading too much into that?

Then, USA Today got into crap for doing pretty much the same thing, even though the White House had vetted some of the documents, and were satisfied of their authenticity. Of course, this wasn't the tabloid's first run-in with journalistic integrity issues.

Now, Newsweek takes a shot in the 'nads. The kicker here is that it is also being accused of helping to incite violence in Muslim countries, and tarnished the image of the USA. Charges of the pot calling the kettle 19 shades of black ensued. That, and the State department kinda sorta denied a link between the story and the violence. But never mind...hey, have you seen Saddam in his undies?!? (No link provided--I'm sick of seeing it.)

One must also take into consideration the staggering number--58 right now--of journalists killed in Iraq covering the rape of that nation. Do they paint fucking targets on their heads, or something? Dan Rather went to Vietnam in the '60's, and managed to retire in 2005, alive! After Daniel Pearle died, why would anyone take the Iraq assignment? The real story was back in the US anyway.

The result, one could surmise, is that even if a media outlet wanted to oppose the Abomination, they no longer have the credibility or manpower to pull it off. Citizens of the blogosphere tend, on the most part, to be a bit more media savvy than the non-bloggers/Wal-Mart shoppers. That still leaves the Red states to fend for themselves. On the upside, fewer and fewer people are watching Fox News. Not even a dead pope, the Terry Schiavo death watch, or a brain-dead vegetable's presidential news conference could keep them glued to their sets.

Short of Wolf Blitzer finding his soul and pulling a Howard Beale impersonation one night, we'll be stuck with a neutered fourth estate for a generation to come. Come back, Walter Cronkite!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Bright Eyes Rocks

Conor Oberst has been compared to many artists in his thus-far young career: Dylan, Springsteen, the Cure's Robert Smith (?!?) and even Ryan Adams. I'd go so far as to add Sinead O'Connor to the list too- for his nervy appearance recently on the Tonight Show.


As with Sinead's 1992 SNL appearance, where she tore up Pope John Paul II's picture, following an a cappella rendition of Bob Marley's song "War" and calling him "the real enemy" (of what, she never really said), Oberst seemed to have surprised Leno with his performance of "When the President Talks to God". (be patient with the upload, and the sound and picture quality aren't the best--but well worth it!) Scrap that, try this link instead--much better!

Not on any of the two albums released by Bright Eyes (so far!!!) this year, the song tears into Bush and his version of Christianity. It also plays on the notion that Bush feels that he has a direct relationship with Him. I had always thought that God would've possessed better grammatical and public speaking skills than Georgie. I digress, of course.

This song is definitely written in the angry folk style that bore "This Land Is My Land" and "Masters of War". Leno didn't say much after the song ended--the audience however, cheered loudly. The morning-after posters on the Tonight Show's web-page had a mixed reaction. Perhaps they would have enjoyed seeing Jessica Simspon instead.

It had taken me some time to give Oberst a listen. At first, I thought that the kid was all hype--every article written about him that I had read was glowing and full of hyperbole. Skepticism strikes again. I gave in, and downloaded some songs. (Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?) The kid was good--bought some albums. Loved the albums, read some more about him. Now, I was impressed.

Now, this:

"When The President Talks To God"
When the president talks to God
Are the conversations brief or long?
Does he ask to rape our womens' rights
And send poor farm kids off to die?
Does God suggest an oil hike
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
When the president talks to God
I wonder which one plays the better cop
We should find some jobs.
the ghetto's broke
No, they're lazy, George,
I say we don't
Just give 'em more liquor stores
and dirty coke
That's what God recommends
When the president talks to God
Do they drink near beer and go play golf
While they pick which countries to invade
Which Muslim souls still can be saved?
I guess god just calls a spade a spade
When the president talks to God
When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?
I doubt it
I doubt it

Amen!

Just so I don't end this one on a totally political tone, I present :




It turns out that I'm Dr. Julius Hibbert.

see you later, kids!

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't 

yours?